Through our time of dealing with infertility, I have gotten better and better at not being bothered when people ask me about having more children. I realize that they don't mean any harm; it's a natural and common question to ask someone with a child. Most people I meet have no idea of my history and have no way of knowing that even a seemingly innocuous question can sometimes make me sad. So I have just made a decision that that particular question is not going to bother me.
Recently, though, I was asked that question by someone who knows something of our struggle, with whom I have shared some of our trials, and who I thought understood where we were. Although I am honestly never surprised when I get this question anymore, this time it came as a jolt. I quickly gave my standard answer (We'll see, we'd love more, blah, blah....), but I think my smile faltered more than normal. This is not a close friend or even someone I'd say knows me well, so maybe she forgot? Maybe she doesn't understand that when I say that we had to use IUI to get pregnant the first time, it's not like we can just decide to get pregnant again and have it happen? Maybe she was trying to ask if/when we were going to pursue treatments like that again?
I'm not sure. All I know is that for the first time in a while, I was bothered by the question. I guess I just expected that if someone knows that we had such a hard time the first time around, they would understand that there is no easy answer to that question. Sigh.
So now I have renewed my resolve not to let that question bother me, even when I am asked by those who know our struggles.