1. I watched the Super Bowl at my parent's house, which was great. We ate pizza, noodles, and homemade guacamole. Yum. Not that I really cared, but I was glad the NY won. For whatever reason, I just can't cheer for the Patriots. (Although I do like Tom Brady....) I was glad that all my reading of Sports Illustrated really paid off as I got to teach my dad about automatic safeties and knew what college Tom Brady went to.
2. This whole mess with Komen and Planned Parenthood has just made my blood boil at numerous points this week. Reading comments on news stories at places like MSNBC or Slate is definitely a bad idea for a conservative like me. Of course, I am strongly pro-life and the rhetoric against the pro-life community this week has been maddening. (I love how our "unbiased" media writes about "pro-choice" groups and "anti-choice" groups. That's not biased at all.) It seems crazy to me that an anti breast cancer organization would give money to a group that doesn't perform mammograms in the first place.
3. I've been making a photo book on shutterfly this week and have to say that I LOVE the updates they've made. It is now completely customizable - you can change the size of any photos, move them around the page, make text boxes bigger or smaller, as well as add "stickers" that give it a more scrapbook feel. It's an excellent change. I have made numerous books but often felt a little constrained by their design options. Now there are more design options AND you can completely change around what is there as well. The new backgrounds are great, too.
4. I feel like for the most part I am a fairly laid-back mom. There are a few times when I notice that I really get stressed out, though. Although Judah is a pretty good traveler, sometimes in the car he refuses to nap and gets really fussy. Trying to entertain a nearly two year old in the car when he is strapped in and over tired is exhausting. Similarly, when we are at someone else's house and there are few toys and TONS of "no-touches" at toddler eye level, I get frustrated and worn out in a heart beat. Apparently I need to do a better job bringing toys/snacks/entertainment if it seems like there might not be any at our location.
Monday, February 06, 2012
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Heartbreaking.
I give a lot of bad news. I guess it's par for the course of a hospitalist. I have told people they were dying of cancer. Told loved ones a patient had just passed away. Had countless frank bedside conversations with patients and families about mortality.
Today I had to tell a 38+ week pregnant lady her baby had died. With all my experience giving bad news, that is one piece of bad news I've never had to give before. I got called into her room as the in house ultrasound expert because the residents were having a hard time finding a heart beat. I looked for a long time, and all I could see was a baby that was very still. Too still. And then I told her. She cried; I wanted to hold her and cry along too.
It is easy to think that my struggles are hard until I am given the task of telling someone else devastating news.
I am praying for this family tonight.
Today I had to tell a 38+ week pregnant lady her baby had died. With all my experience giving bad news, that is one piece of bad news I've never had to give before. I got called into her room as the in house ultrasound expert because the residents were having a hard time finding a heart beat. I looked for a long time, and all I could see was a baby that was very still. Too still. And then I told her. She cried; I wanted to hold her and cry along too.
It is easy to think that my struggles are hard until I am given the task of telling someone else devastating news.
I am praying for this family tonight.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Patience.
Just over 4 weeks ago we were officially diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. Initially, I had hoped for a rapid resolution and wanted nothing more than to put this all behind me. I am continually learning, though, that what I think I want or need and God's best plan for me do not always correspond to one another. I apparently am still in need of more patience.
Here we are, a month later, and I would still "fail" (pass?) a pregnancy test. Sigh. Things continue to move in the right direction and my hormone levels are still falling, but I was really hoping that this would be the last time I had to get my blood drawn. I had another check up with my doctor, and learned that the average time to dissolve these things is actually 35 days. And there have been reports of persistent hormone levels for 105 (!!) days. I am really hoping not to set any records, but have just decided that it will take as long as it takes and that is fine. I continue to be thankful that we avoided all the complications related to ectopics and that I continue to be pain-free.
I have pondered the last few weeks what I think God has been trying to tell me in this trial. What does this mean? Maybe God is saying we shouldn't have more children. Maybe he's saying we shouldn't pursue continued attempts to have children. Maybe he's saying that we should. What should we do next? When should we do it?
It's sort of exhausting, this attempt at reading the tea leaves of my life's experiences. But Jeff was so quick to remind me that God has spoken to us already - he first of all sent his Son, The Word, and then he gave us the Bible. We don't have to wait for some divine ESP to know his will. I guess I struggle because when it seems like we are going through a tough time, I automatically want to assume that I need to change course. But Jeff reminded me that we cannot look at trials that way. We cannot think that just because there is sadness or tragedy or frustration that we are doing something wrong or making a wrong choice. Even though Paul was shipwrecked, arrested, beaten, and imprisoned, he didn't change course. Personally, I think if my boat shipwrecked on the way somewhere, I would definitely take that as a sign that I should pick another destination.
But I believe that we are headed somewhere - and that somewhere is where God wants us to go. So we wait. And continue to learn that the God we serve is one who makes the broken whole, the crooked straight, and the ugly beautiful.
Here we are, a month later, and I would still "fail" (pass?) a pregnancy test. Sigh. Things continue to move in the right direction and my hormone levels are still falling, but I was really hoping that this would be the last time I had to get my blood drawn. I had another check up with my doctor, and learned that the average time to dissolve these things is actually 35 days. And there have been reports of persistent hormone levels for 105 (!!) days. I am really hoping not to set any records, but have just decided that it will take as long as it takes and that is fine. I continue to be thankful that we avoided all the complications related to ectopics and that I continue to be pain-free.
I have pondered the last few weeks what I think God has been trying to tell me in this trial. What does this mean? Maybe God is saying we shouldn't have more children. Maybe he's saying we shouldn't pursue continued attempts to have children. Maybe he's saying that we should. What should we do next? When should we do it?
It's sort of exhausting, this attempt at reading the tea leaves of my life's experiences. But Jeff was so quick to remind me that God has spoken to us already - he first of all sent his Son, The Word, and then he gave us the Bible. We don't have to wait for some divine ESP to know his will. I guess I struggle because when it seems like we are going through a tough time, I automatically want to assume that I need to change course. But Jeff reminded me that we cannot look at trials that way. We cannot think that just because there is sadness or tragedy or frustration that we are doing something wrong or making a wrong choice. Even though Paul was shipwrecked, arrested, beaten, and imprisoned, he didn't change course. Personally, I think if my boat shipwrecked on the way somewhere, I would definitely take that as a sign that I should pick another destination.
But I believe that we are headed somewhere - and that somewhere is where God wants us to go. So we wait. And continue to learn that the God we serve is one who makes the broken whole, the crooked straight, and the ugly beautiful.
Monday, January 30, 2012
This week from the pinterest files.
I have decided that since I'm making lots of recipes from pinterest these days, I should do a semi-regular post about what I've done. Here's what I made this week:
1. crescent pepperoni roll ups - We host a men's bible study at our house on Sundays and each week I try to make something edible. The men actually prefer something savory (making them very different from women) so I've been having fun looking for finger foods. These were super quick and delicious. I used shredded cheese and also did some made with italian sausage. Yum.
2. Nutella Cheesecake Bars. I don't think I really need to say much about them. Nutella + cheesecake + oreo crust = extra delicious.
3. Quinoa cakes with poaches eggs. Although I LOVED the poached egg on top, the quinoa cake didn't really do anything for me. To be fair, I modified the recipe and added shredded carrot, but I think I'd prefer my quinoa served like normal. I really love the blog these came from, so be sure to check out the rest of her stuff.
1. crescent pepperoni roll ups - We host a men's bible study at our house on Sundays and each week I try to make something edible. The men actually prefer something savory (making them very different from women) so I've been having fun looking for finger foods. These were super quick and delicious. I used shredded cheese and also did some made with italian sausage. Yum.
2. Nutella Cheesecake Bars. I don't think I really need to say much about them. Nutella + cheesecake + oreo crust = extra delicious.
3. Quinoa cakes with poaches eggs. Although I LOVED the poached egg on top, the quinoa cake didn't really do anything for me. To be fair, I modified the recipe and added shredded carrot, but I think I'd prefer my quinoa served like normal. I really love the blog these came from, so be sure to check out the rest of her stuff.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Next to me.
Jeff and I went to a wedding this weekend. It was wonderful. My dear friend was, of course, beautiful and radiant, and her groom had a big smile on his face as she walked down the aisle to meet him. They both love Jesus and their wedding was a celebration of his love for us as well as their love for each other.
As I was listening to the vows, I was suddenly overcome with thankfulness for the man God has blessed me with. I thought about all we've been through lately and realized that I could not have managed alone. I love being married when we get to do things that are fun - taking trips, fun dates, sharing the joy of having a baby - this is "for better." I realize that when I really love being married is during the "for worse" - when I am discouraged, grieving, questioning, and sad. Knowing that there is someone else who believes that my struggle is his struggle, my grief is his grief, and who always wants what is best for me makes those "for worse" kind of days so much better.
So thank you, Jeff, for being the one who sits next to me.
As I was listening to the vows, I was suddenly overcome with thankfulness for the man God has blessed me with. I thought about all we've been through lately and realized that I could not have managed alone. I love being married when we get to do things that are fun - taking trips, fun dates, sharing the joy of having a baby - this is "for better." I realize that when I really love being married is during the "for worse" - when I am discouraged, grieving, questioning, and sad. Knowing that there is someone else who believes that my struggle is his struggle, my grief is his grief, and who always wants what is best for me makes those "for worse" kind of days so much better.
So thank you, Jeff, for being the one who sits next to me.
Monday, January 23, 2012
New Record
I set a new personal record today - I saw - either rounded on or completed a history and physical on 28 (or was it 29??) patients today. Even though I had the good day on Friday where I discharged 8, the patients just. keep. coming. in. We had 48 (!!!) patients on our list this morning, (which is divided between 2 physicians) and because my partner got at least 9 admissions I was helping her finish a few. I'm not sure what is going on, but our hospital has been crazy busy these last few weeks. I'm hoping it's going to slow down soon because being this busy is not sustainable.
All that to say that I'm hoping to get back to more regular blogging soon, but not this week.
All that to say that I'm hoping to get back to more regular blogging soon, but not this week.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Reasons to be Happy
1. I just got back from walking the dog in the rain. Anytime I walk/run in the rain/snow, it automatically puts me in a better mood. Yay for foul weather.
2. My repeat hormone level this week was WAY down, and all signs point to this whole thing being over very, very soon. I'm thankful we can finally start moving on. I have also continued to be amazed at how well this has gone physically. There are so many things that could have made this much, much worse.
3. I discharged eight patients from my list today and only admitted 3. Since I started the day with TWENTY patients, I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.
4. I had delicious dinner tonight of spicy thai noodles and cabbage salad with peanut dressing. This was leftover from last night, which makes it even better because it was a delicious dinner that I didn't even have to cook.
5. I feel like a good wife because in addition to making the above mentioned dinner yesterday, I also made a double batch of bird's nest egg cups for Jeff to eat for his breakfast this week AND some lemon blueberry quinoa muffins that I can take to work and eat.
6. If you've been following me on pinterest, you have seen that my love for all things nutella runs deep. On Monday I was in a baking mood and made banana cupcakes with - you guessed it - nutella frosting. So. Dang. Delicious. I got to take these to have dinner earlier this week with some good friends, another fun activity.
7. A dear friend is getting married next weekend and I get to watch. I'm sure most of us have single friends who are so fantastic that we can't understand why they are single. I actually have several. But finally this dear one is getting married and I couldn't be more excited.
8. My dear, dear sweet boy is just getting sweeter. He is getting to such a fun playful age and loves to try to copy everything and repeat what I'm saying or doing. I LOVE it. For instance, he saw Jeff using air quotes recently and then spent the rest of that lunch trying to do air quotes himself. Hah! He loves to giggle and be tickled and is happy most of the time. He has been such an encouragement to me these last few weeks. We had a fun time tonight when I would build a little stack of blocks and he would knock it over with his airplane over and over. Good times. Then I blew a zerbert on his belly and he dissolved into a puddle of giggles. He gives the best hugs and loves to give kisses and I can't get enough of either.
2. My repeat hormone level this week was WAY down, and all signs point to this whole thing being over very, very soon. I'm thankful we can finally start moving on. I have also continued to be amazed at how well this has gone physically. There are so many things that could have made this much, much worse.
3. I discharged eight patients from my list today and only admitted 3. Since I started the day with TWENTY patients, I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.
4. I had delicious dinner tonight of spicy thai noodles and cabbage salad with peanut dressing. This was leftover from last night, which makes it even better because it was a delicious dinner that I didn't even have to cook.
5. I feel like a good wife because in addition to making the above mentioned dinner yesterday, I also made a double batch of bird's nest egg cups for Jeff to eat for his breakfast this week AND some lemon blueberry quinoa muffins that I can take to work and eat.
6. If you've been following me on pinterest, you have seen that my love for all things nutella runs deep. On Monday I was in a baking mood and made banana cupcakes with - you guessed it - nutella frosting. So. Dang. Delicious. I got to take these to have dinner earlier this week with some good friends, another fun activity.
7. A dear friend is getting married next weekend and I get to watch. I'm sure most of us have single friends who are so fantastic that we can't understand why they are single. I actually have several. But finally this dear one is getting married and I couldn't be more excited.
8. My dear, dear sweet boy is just getting sweeter. He is getting to such a fun playful age and loves to try to copy everything and repeat what I'm saying or doing. I LOVE it. For instance, he saw Jeff using air quotes recently and then spent the rest of that lunch trying to do air quotes himself. Hah! He loves to giggle and be tickled and is happy most of the time. He has been such an encouragement to me these last few weeks. We had a fun time tonight when I would build a little stack of blocks and he would knock it over with his airplane over and over. Good times. Then I blew a zerbert on his belly and he dissolved into a puddle of giggles. He gives the best hugs and loves to give kisses and I can't get enough of either.
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