The dreaded question.
I'm starting to get it.
The (semi) dreaded question. We used to get it before we were pregnant with Judah. Someone would see me holding a friend's baby or talking about my niece or nephew and it would come. "So when are you going to have kids?" Back when we were first married, I didn't think much of it. I'd answer breezily that maybe in a few years we would, or after med school, or whatever.
Then came the long months where we were trying (unsuccessfully) to get pregnant but weren't telling anyone. Then I'd force a smile and say something like "we'll see." Of course after we started talking more about our infertility, those who knew us best didn't press us. There would still be the occasional inquiry by our more distant friends, and depending on my mood I'd either try to answer truthfully about our struggle or give a quick noncommittal answer to end the conversation.
Now that Judah is almost a year, we are starting to get it again. "So, do you want more kids?" or "So, when do you think you'll have another one?" As if it were just that easy. I am not bitter or upset when these questions come, but I do find it hard to answer honestly. I don't want to unnecessarily overburden someone who was just trying to be polite. But I am also not ashamed of the road we've been on and at this point do not mind talking more freely about the struggles we have come through.
The truth is I don't really know what will happen. My optimistic, hopeful heart wants to believe that we will be one of those couples who struggled with infertility, then got pregnant, and then... oops... an accidental/semi-unplanned pregnancy. I want to believe that since they were never able to pinpoint a cause, that maybe it won't be so hard next time. My more realistic, try-not-to-get-high-hopes side realizes that it will probably be a struggle again. One of the best things about finally getting pregnant with Judah was the chance to be able not to think about trying to get pregnant for the first time in a long time. To not be obsessed with counting days, taking temperatures, or any of the other things that people do to try to get pregnant. And I have loved being able to continue not worrying about those things. I am enjoying where we are now - loving our boy and not worrying about what the future may hold. Well, mostly. Clearly I am at least thinking about it some.
I guess that's why I have such a hard time with that question. It is very hard to condense that all down into the kind of response people expect when they ask. Maybe I should just start directing people to my blog....
The (semi) dreaded question. We used to get it before we were pregnant with Judah. Someone would see me holding a friend's baby or talking about my niece or nephew and it would come. "So when are you going to have kids?" Back when we were first married, I didn't think much of it. I'd answer breezily that maybe in a few years we would, or after med school, or whatever.
Then came the long months where we were trying (unsuccessfully) to get pregnant but weren't telling anyone. Then I'd force a smile and say something like "we'll see." Of course after we started talking more about our infertility, those who knew us best didn't press us. There would still be the occasional inquiry by our more distant friends, and depending on my mood I'd either try to answer truthfully about our struggle or give a quick noncommittal answer to end the conversation.
Now that Judah is almost a year, we are starting to get it again. "So, do you want more kids?" or "So, when do you think you'll have another one?" As if it were just that easy. I am not bitter or upset when these questions come, but I do find it hard to answer honestly. I don't want to unnecessarily overburden someone who was just trying to be polite. But I am also not ashamed of the road we've been on and at this point do not mind talking more freely about the struggles we have come through.
The truth is I don't really know what will happen. My optimistic, hopeful heart wants to believe that we will be one of those couples who struggled with infertility, then got pregnant, and then... oops... an accidental/semi-unplanned pregnancy. I want to believe that since they were never able to pinpoint a cause, that maybe it won't be so hard next time. My more realistic, try-not-to-get-high-hopes side realizes that it will probably be a struggle again. One of the best things about finally getting pregnant with Judah was the chance to be able not to think about trying to get pregnant for the first time in a long time. To not be obsessed with counting days, taking temperatures, or any of the other things that people do to try to get pregnant. And I have loved being able to continue not worrying about those things. I am enjoying where we are now - loving our boy and not worrying about what the future may hold. Well, mostly. Clearly I am at least thinking about it some.
I guess that's why I have such a hard time with that question. It is very hard to condense that all down into the kind of response people expect when they ask. Maybe I should just start directing people to my blog....
Comments