Today was sort of a tough day. Nothing overwhelmingly bad happened; a variety of things just transpired in such a way that I spent most of the afternoon sad. I really have been doing well lately. I'm feeling good, getting more excited about what our future holds, and finally feeling like I can move past this. Then today rolled around.
The women's bible study I'm a part of is studying the book of James. We're using a Beth Moore study and this is actually the first Beth Moore study I've ever done. (I feel like I'm going to get kicked out of the female evangelical club for saying that, but it's true.) I was sort of rushing to finish all the homework this week since I missed the last two meetings, and didn't really get to appreciate all the great teaching that was there. Since we are spending two weeks of discussion on each week of the study, we have time for plenty of discussion.I was especially thankful today that the other women could point out the nuggets I'd missed in my hurry to get through.
One such nugget was about James 1:2 - "Consider it joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds..." I'd never really thought about that first word - "consider." I guess I had kind of always assumed that I was to feel joyful when I faced trials, but the verse says "consider." It's not about what I feel. It's about what I think. I cannot feel joyful about losing a baby. I can only feel sad. I can meditate, though, on God's goodness to me and remember what the verse says next: "for you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance have its full effect so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Now that is a hope to cling to.