I'm emerging from the busiest two work days I've ever had to try to take a little breath of air before going back under.
Being a working mom is hard. I guess I knew it would be. When I'm at work, I think about my little man and miss him and try to do everything I can to finish quickly. When it's almost 7 pm and I'm still seeing patients I just want to cry. When I'm home, I think back about my work day and hope I'm taking good care of my patients. I really want to be a good doctor. But I also really want to be a good mom.
One of my patients almost bled to death right in front of me yesterday. In many ways, seeing her pale face look up at me, asking me if she was going to die was a terrifying situation. The weird thing was that I wasn't scared. I knew what to do. I called our specialist, who came right away to control the bleeding. I got fluids in to her to raise her blood pressure. I got her a blood transfusion. Then she stopped breathing, so we got her intubated. She finally stabilized for the time being. But I am worried that we're not going to be able to fix this problem permanently.
Jeff and I went on a date by ourselves (!!) last night. We called one of our friends, a resident who is the year behind me and lives two houses down. He happily came over after we put Judah down and let Jeff and I go and have a little birthday date. We went to Chili's and had a wonderful conversation, drank some margarita and shared a molten chocolate cake. It was an excellent end to a very difficult day. I realized that we need to be more intentional about doing that more often.
It's now 6 am and I need to nurse Judah before going in to work. I'm going to try to get there a little early so maybe, hopefully I can finish work a little earlier today.
.....and back under.....