Too Many Biotics

Apparently I have too many biotics in me. I went to the doctor today for a hacking cough that I've had for the last week, and he prescribed me some antibiotics to get me back down to a normal level. You see, under normal circumstances, you should have enough biotics in you to fill up your legs, and about up to your belly button. But sometimes your biotics get out of control, and they start to fill up more of your body than they should. When they get up near your throat it makes your throat hurt, this is because your throat is not used to biotics. Today my doctor was pushing his stethoscope thingy all over my chest, I think he was trying to determine just how high up the biotics had gotten.

My body has been doing its best to restore the balance on its own. I've been coughing a lot, to try and expel the extra biotics. And my nose has even joined in the fight, occasionally sending an army of mucus down my nasal passages into my throat to do battle with the biotics. However, the mucus is not a very good defense, because every night it gets infiltrated by the biotics and turns a yellowy brown color, and then by morning its actually defected and joined the other side, so I just cough it up.

Over the weekend I stopped by the pharmacy to recruit some Halls Cough Suppresants to join the biotic battle. They have a "vapor action formula" and I thought I could use that to mount a chemical attack and gas out the extra biotics. It wasn't too effective though. Although I do recommend the sugar free citrus blend. Tasty, if weak. So today Dr. Akhtar called in the heavy hitters, a Z-Pack. They're like the SWAT team, the Halls were like the meter maids. If all goes according to plan, the first Z-wave should be in my esophagus, going over the walls into the biotics camp even now. I'm now confident that by the end of the week my biotic levels should be back to normal.

**Note: This post has not been approved by Aubrey.

Comments

Aubrey said…
over 3 years of vicarious medical school and he doesn't quite have it...
Megan said…
Ah ha! That was so enlightening. Now I know what those antibiotics are really supposed to do.

Thanks so much, Dr. Jeff!
Melanie said…
All I have to say is that it's a good thing you're no longer sharing a house with TWO medical students AND a science teacher...
Peter said…
Priceless wisdom for/from the ages, Jeff. Keep up the good work.

Aubrey may be able to help you refine your craft by going over some ancient theories of disease. Watch out, though, at least one of them involves keeping yourself healthy by forcing your uterus to stay in the middle of you instead of running up to your head or down to your toes.

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