Here.
I wish I could say that this week has been a breeze and that I am doing great with everything that has happened. I wish I could say that my attitude has been good and that I can already clearly see God's purpose in it all.
But that would be a lie. The truth is that I feel like I've been thrown for a loop. I feel like I have days where I can trust God's goodness, followed by other days where all I want to do is feel sorry for myself and be sad. In my head I know that this is part of God's perfect plan, but my heart is still sad for this baby I will not get to meet in August.
As I was up in the middle of the night last night, rocking a screaming toddler (still not sure what that was about), I did give his sweet head an extra sniff and thank the Lord for the gift he gave us in Judah. He may have been even more of a miracle that I realized.
I never used to understand why a woman would have an invasive medical procedure like a D & C after having a miscarriage since most of the time your body will naturally take care of it. But almost two weeks into undergoing medical treatment for this ectopic, I can understand why you'd want to. It's hard to move on and put this all behind me when I still have several more weeks of waiting ahead of me. I know taking the medicine was the right decision, but I am so ready for this to be over. In spite of all the God has tried to teach me about patience, I still am not good at waiting....
So please keep praying. I think reflecting on this latest disappointment has made me struggle even more with some of the other disappointments we've been through lately. I find myself angry and upset, yet again, that Jeff was turned down for licensure. I am questioning all over why it has taken Jeff so long to find a job. And I don't want to do that.
But I am ready to finally hear some good news.....
But that would be a lie. The truth is that I feel like I've been thrown for a loop. I feel like I have days where I can trust God's goodness, followed by other days where all I want to do is feel sorry for myself and be sad. In my head I know that this is part of God's perfect plan, but my heart is still sad for this baby I will not get to meet in August.
As I was up in the middle of the night last night, rocking a screaming toddler (still not sure what that was about), I did give his sweet head an extra sniff and thank the Lord for the gift he gave us in Judah. He may have been even more of a miracle that I realized.
I never used to understand why a woman would have an invasive medical procedure like a D & C after having a miscarriage since most of the time your body will naturally take care of it. But almost two weeks into undergoing medical treatment for this ectopic, I can understand why you'd want to. It's hard to move on and put this all behind me when I still have several more weeks of waiting ahead of me. I know taking the medicine was the right decision, but I am so ready for this to be over. In spite of all the God has tried to teach me about patience, I still am not good at waiting....
So please keep praying. I think reflecting on this latest disappointment has made me struggle even more with some of the other disappointments we've been through lately. I find myself angry and upset, yet again, that Jeff was turned down for licensure. I am questioning all over why it has taken Jeff so long to find a job. And I don't want to do that.
But I am ready to finally hear some good news.....
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