Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Question for the reader...

I had totally planned on this being a part of the last blog post, but then somehow that post kind of went off on its own tangent and I decided that I should do a separate post for this. So here goes:

I have mentioned before how I struggle to answer when people make comments or ask me about having another child. I was thinking about it again today when a friend (who didn't really know about our past struggles) made a comment about having another child. I realized that it didn't bother me, but I still didn't know what a good response was. He made a light-hearted comment about it being "time for another one." I hesitated, but then responded with something along the lines of how "we had a hard time getting pregnant and would love another one." As I said, the comment didn't bother me, and I feel like my response was equally light-hearted and matter-of-fact. I still worried afterward that perhaps I made him feel bad. Should I have just nodded? Said yes?

These days I most often feel like I just don't know what to say when this happens. On the one hand, when I was still having a hard(er) time with infertility, I felt so alone. It seemed that no one admitted to having these problems, even though it's an incredibly common problem (1 in 7 couples). I want to be transparent. I want people to know that this is nothing to be ashamed of, and that I would love to talk with them about their own struggles. On the other hand, I also don't want to be one of those people who goes into a 15-minute spiel about their numerous ailments and how terrible life is when asked the very simple question "how are you?", when it is clear that the asker really didn't want all that info. You know?

So my question for you, dear reader, is what do you think? What is an appropriate response? More info? Less info? I'd say now it mostly depends on the context - who it is, how well I know them, my mood at the moment, etc. Any thoughts or suggestions?

2 comments:

Megan said...

I think what you said was fine. I will confess to being one of those who has very innocently asked that question before just out of curiosity and an attempt to start a conversation. I'll tell you, I'm MUCH more careful with it NOW, but if I did ask it, I'd be glad to hear what you said as I'd want to know that's something in your story.

Sarah said...

Well, I have tried to figure out how my answer can demonstrate the gospel best. It's not always easy to figure out, and it changes some depending on the audience, too.