Some of my favorite phone calls from patients (either that I or a classmate received):
1. My baby has an ear infection, and I know I'm supposed to put pee in his ear. But is it my pee or his pee?
2. I was working on the washing machine when it was plugged in, and it blew up in my face. What should I do?
3. My wife is pregnant, and she has this brown goo in her mouth. What is it?
I don't know. Did she eat something brown?
Have her brush her teeth and see if it goes away.
(30 minutes later)
I'm pregnant and have this brown goo in my mouth. What is it?
Did your husband call a little while ago?
Did you brush your teeth?
No. I was afraid it would go away and I wouldn't find out what it was.
4. (this one was by a really lonely woman who called very, very often, always with something equally ridiculous)
If I sit to close to the TV, will I damage my eyes?
5. Can your brain freeze from the inside out?