Baby steps.

I just bought some fabric to use in our baby's room.

It doesn't really sound like that big of a deal. But this is the first purchase I've made for our baby. We're nearly 5 months in, and until tonight I hadn't bought anything specifically for our baby.

I'm not sure if that's what happens when you are pregnant after you miscarry, or when you are pregnant and also a doctor who does OB care, or maybe just pregnant and have an overactive imagination. But I've just been too afraid to buy anything. Even though we've made it this far, I know I'm not guaranteed to bring home a healthy baby, and it's like I don't want to jinx it. I've been afraid that if I get some things and then something happens, then what will I do with it?

It is, of course, a ridiculous way to live. I cannot live in fear. And even though I'm a bit of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl, I need to prepare and plan. I need to let myself be more excited.

And I need to remind myself that the God I serve is good, and nothing happens to me that doesn't first pass through his hand.

And in case you're curious, here is what I got:

Comments

The Balls said…
i LOVE hearing you say "our baby" - so, so, SO excited for you!!! i think pregnancy makes you become a worry wort...maybe it's the hormones? sometimes i would be driving down the road & realize i was crying because i imagined some horrible "what if" situation!! i would then think, what is wrong with me??? and you are so right, we can't live in fear, which is what i do a lot of the time!

those fabrics are SOOOO cute!! what fabric store do you go to?!
Aubrey said…
That is actually a picture from an online store. I found mine on etsy.com.

The line is called Red Letter Day by designer Lizzy House. I think they must not have printed any in a while because all the main online fabric stores didn't have it anymore.
Emilie said…
very cute fabric! And I'm the same way. I worry about all kinds of things that could be wrong. It took me a long time to buy anything for Joseph and I haven't bought anything for this baby yet. It's hard not to live in fear. . . but so important that we pray for trust.
I love, love, love that fabric. It's fresh and feisty and adorable.

I understand the hesitation about buying things for a baby after pregnancy loss. I didn't let myself do it until deep into my post-loss pregnancies. I didn't even want to by maternity clothes. The first time I bought a shirt during my pregnancy with Beatrix, I wanted to throw up, literally, the moment I put it in my Target cart. I was convinced that act of optimism would come back to bite me.

How silly I was, I see now. But it is HARD.
Cute fabric-so are you wanting a delivery surprise on the sex?
CO mom said…
Oh my precious, Aubrey. I looooove the fabric. I still have the colors printed from when you were brave enough to tell us in September.

Can't wait to see you in 15 days!

Popular posts from this blog

Giveaway

And Then There Were Three!

The "Go" Bag