Baby steps.
I just bought some fabric to use in our baby's room.
It doesn't really sound like that big of a deal. But this is the first purchase I've made for our baby. We're nearly 5 months in, and until tonight I hadn't bought anything specifically for our baby.
I'm not sure if that's what happens when you are pregnant after you miscarry, or when you are pregnant and also a doctor who does OB care, or maybe just pregnant and have an overactive imagination. But I've just been too afraid to buy anything. Even though we've made it this far, I know I'm not guaranteed to bring home a healthy baby, and it's like I don't want to jinx it. I've been afraid that if I get some things and then something happens, then what will I do with it?
It is, of course, a ridiculous way to live. I cannot live in fear. And even though I'm a bit of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl, I need to prepare and plan. I need to let myself be more excited.
And I need to remind myself that the God I serve is good, and nothing happens to me that doesn't first pass through his hand.
And in case you're curious, here is what I got:
It doesn't really sound like that big of a deal. But this is the first purchase I've made for our baby. We're nearly 5 months in, and until tonight I hadn't bought anything specifically for our baby.
I'm not sure if that's what happens when you are pregnant after you miscarry, or when you are pregnant and also a doctor who does OB care, or maybe just pregnant and have an overactive imagination. But I've just been too afraid to buy anything. Even though we've made it this far, I know I'm not guaranteed to bring home a healthy baby, and it's like I don't want to jinx it. I've been afraid that if I get some things and then something happens, then what will I do with it?
It is, of course, a ridiculous way to live. I cannot live in fear. And even though I'm a bit of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl, I need to prepare and plan. I need to let myself be more excited.
And I need to remind myself that the God I serve is good, and nothing happens to me that doesn't first pass through his hand.
And in case you're curious, here is what I got:
Comments
those fabrics are SOOOO cute!! what fabric store do you go to?!
The line is called Red Letter Day by designer Lizzy House. I think they must not have printed any in a while because all the main online fabric stores didn't have it anymore.
I understand the hesitation about buying things for a baby after pregnancy loss. I didn't let myself do it until deep into my post-loss pregnancies. I didn't even want to by maternity clothes. The first time I bought a shirt during my pregnancy with Beatrix, I wanted to throw up, literally, the moment I put it in my Target cart. I was convinced that act of optimism would come back to bite me.
How silly I was, I see now. But it is HARD.
Can't wait to see you in 15 days!