An Experiment in Manliness

A couple of weeks ago I decided that it was more manly to drink my coffee black rather than dressed up all pretty with cream and suger. This was unfortunate considering that black coffee tastes like hot, bitter sludge. But ne'ertheless, other people had learned to like it, so I figured I could too.

I started by slowly weaning myself from the delicious individual serving size french vanilla creamers we have at work. First I started just using half of the little cup o' goodness. It didn't make too much difference, the coffee was still good. I was making good progress. By the end of the first week I was totally off the creamer, and drinking coffee with nothing but a packet of sweet-n-low. I was halfway to improving my manliness quotient.

Last week I began the final push. I started by limiting my artificial sweetner input. I would only use half of the little packet. Not bad. The coffee maintained some sweetness, and though I missed the yummy french vanilla flavoring, I kept a stiff upper lip and told myself that this was the right thing, yeah even the manly thing, to do. I even made sure that my coworkers noticed that I was no longer doctoring up my cup of joe with all those made-for-weaklings condiments.

By Thursday I thought I was ready. I poured a cup of coffee and walked back to my office, boldly bypassing the condiment counter. Pure black coffee. A hot steaming cup with no foofoo additives. Nothing in my hand but styrofoam and pure, hot, black, bitter, disgusting undrinkable coffee. I couldn't do it. Perhaps I had tried to wean myself too quickly. Perhaps I should have added a step for regular creamer between the french vanilla and nothing.

This morning at work I poured a cup of coffee and proudly doctored it up, gave it the works. Yummmm. Sweet, delicious, french vanillaey foofoo coffee. And I was not ashamed. I decided that black coffee is for those who can't handle their flavored creamers.


emily.faulkner said…
Admittedly, I am somewhat of a coffee snob, but the problem might be with the quality of the coffee. My experiences with workplace coffee is that it needs whatever you can find to make it drinkable. So, the issue may not be one of manliness but one of good taste. Just a though.
Ken Shomo said…
Do you remember the water experiment I tried in seminary? That was pretty wrong headed.
Banana said…
Bro: try again when you are a bit more mature, or when you are a bit stronger, or have a bit more fortitude--it'll come. Right now, you're a reed in the wind, but when you get a stronger root base, or more people praying for you, I'm sure you learn to like black coffee.

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