Pilgrims at Oak Ridge

Just over 4 weeks ago we were officially diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. Initially, I had hoped for a rapid resolution and wanted nothing more than to put this all behind me. I am continually learning, though, that what I think I want or need and God's best plan for me do not always correspond to one another. I apparently am still in need of more patience. Here we are, a month later, and I would still "fail" (pass?) a pregnancy test. Sigh. Things continue to move in the right direction and my hormone levels are still falling, but I was really hoping that this would be the last time I had to get my blood drawn. I had another check up with my doctor, and learned that the average time to dissolve these things is actually 35 days. And there have been reports of persistent hormone levels for 105 (!!) days. I am really hoping not to set any records, but have just decided that it will take as long as it takes and that is fine. I continue to be thankful that we avoided all...

I have decided that since I'm making lots of recipes from pinterest these days, I should do a semi-regular post about what I've done. Here's what I made this week: 1. crescent pepperoni roll ups - We host a men's bible study at our house on Sundays and each week I try to make something edible. The men actually prefer something savory (making them very different from women) so I've been having fun looking for finger foods. These were super quick and delicious. I used shredded cheese and also did some made with italian sausage. Yum. 2. Nutella Cheesecake Bars . I don't think I really need to say much about them. Nutella + cheesecake + oreo crust = extra delicious. 3. Quinoa cakes with poaches eggs . Although I LOVED the poached egg on top, the quinoa cake didn't really do anything for me.  To be fair, I modified the recipe and added shredded carrot, but I think I'd prefer my quinoa served like normal. I really love the blog these came from, so be su...

Jeff and I went to a wedding this weekend. It was wonderful. My dear friend was, of course, beautiful and radiant, and her groom had a big smile on his face as she walked down the aisle to meet him. They both love Jesus and their wedding was a celebration of his love for us as well as their love for each other. As I was listening to the vows, I was suddenly overcome with thankfulness for the man God has blessed me with. I thought about all we've been through lately and realized that I could not have managed alone. I love being married when we get to do things that are fun - taking trips, fun dates, sharing the joy of having a baby - this is "for better." I realize that when I really love being married is during the "for worse" - when I am discouraged, grieving, questioning, and sad. Knowing that there is someone else who believes that my struggle is his struggle, my grief is his grief, and who always wants what is best for me makes those "for worse" ...

I set a new personal record today - I saw - either rounded on or completed a history and physical on 28 (or was it 29??) patients today. Even though I had the good day on Friday where I discharged 8, the patients just. keep. coming. in. We had 48 (!!!) patients on our list this morning, (which is divided between 2 physicians) and because my partner got at least 9 admissions I was helping her finish a few. I'm not sure what is going on, but our hospital has been crazy busy these last few weeks. I'm hoping it's going to slow down soon because being this busy is not sustainable. All that to say that I'm hoping to get back to more regular blogging soon, but not this week.

1. I just got back from walking the dog in the rain. Anytime I walk/run in the rain/snow, it automatically puts me in a better mood. Yay for foul weather. 2. My repeat hormone level this week was WAY down, and all signs point to this whole thing being over very, very soon. I'm thankful we can finally start moving on. I have also continued to be amazed at how well this has gone physically. There are so many things that could have made this much, much worse. 3. I discharged eight patients from my list today and only admitted 3. Since I started the day with TWENTY patients, I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. 4. I had delicious dinner tonight of spicy thai noodles and cabbage salad with peanut dressing . This was leftover from last night, which makes it even better because it was a delicious dinner that I didn't even have to cook. 5. I feel like a good wife because in addition to making the above mentioned dinner yesterday, I also made a double batch of bird's nes...

I decided I was ready for a little less serious on this blog, so thought I'd post some reviews of things I've made recently from pinterest. 1. Bird nest necklace DIY - I thought the one I made for my mom turned out really great, even though I didn't do it exactly right. I will definitely be making one of these for myself sometime. 2. I loved the idea of a chocolate cobbler . I did not really love the actual cobbler. In my opinion, not as good as brownies and definitely not as nice as the chocolate souffle I made this week. 3. I could not get enough of these spicy thai noodles . I will add that her recipe calls for using 1 T. of pepper flakes in the oil, but I used a little less than that and still found it a little too spicy. I think next time I'll just use maybe 1.5 tsp. I also served it hot and sauteed some mushrooms to add to the noodles. This will definitely be going into our regular rotation. 4. Taquitos - I think this was not the recipe I glanced at sinc...

I wish I could say that this week has been a breeze and that I am doing great with everything that has happened. I wish I could say that my attitude has been good and that I can already clearly see God's purpose in it all. But that would be a lie. The truth is that I feel like I've been thrown for a loop. I feel like I have days where I can trust God's goodness, followed by other days where all I want to do is feel sorry for myself and be sad. In my head I know that this is part of God's perfect plan, but my heart is still sad for this baby I will not get to meet in August. As I was up in the middle of the night last night, rocking a screaming toddler (still not sure what that was about), I did give his sweet head an extra sniff and thank the Lord for the gift he gave us in Judah. He may have been even more of a miracle that I realized. I never used to understand why a woman would have an invasive medical procedure like a D & C after having a miscarriage since...

Until a week or so ago, I could not imagine ever being thankful for an HCG level that is declining. But today I am. My level went down by 27%, just eking past the required 25% decline necessary to avoid surgery. We'll have to keep following it, of course, to make sure it continues to fall, but for now we seem to have avoided all the most serious complications that can accompany ectopic pregnancy. We deeply, deeply appreciate all the love prayers that have come our way. The facebook messages, emails, and texts have reminded us how blessed we are to be surrounded by so many who love us. This has  obviously been a heartbreaking week, but we have certainly felt sustained by the one who has redeemed us. I'm not sure I'll ever understand why this happened. Why we would be given such an unexpected blessing at the end of a tough year, only to lose it a few weeks later. And yet - I realize it could have been so much worse. Ectopic pregnancy is a potentially life-threatening co...

Its hard to know how to blog well about the last month of our lives.  The Christmas pictures don't really tell the story of what has been going on.  It started with joy in the beginning of December because Aubrey was pregnant.  And this week is filled with crying because she's not pregnant anymore. It all started a month ago when I was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast and Aubrey came in and plopped a positive pregnancy test in front of me.  We were thrilled.  It made us so happy.  For the last four years words like infertility, miscarriage, and fertility treatments had become a regular part of our vocabulary.  And then, out of nowhere, Aubrey got pregnant when we weren't even trying.  This must be how it happens for other people, getting pregnant without stressing about it for a year!  It was great, at the end of a year that had had its share of difficulties and stresses, God dropped an unexpected blessing right in our laps....