Monday, October 31, 2011

From spitball to gnome.

It's fun now that we are in Judah's second year to look back and see how much he's grown in a year. Here he is on Halloween last year:

He was such a baby then! So little.
And now he's a little boy. My baby is totally gone. Sniff.

We went to maybe three houses and Judah ate one sucker. Just about perfect for a 19-month-old.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Good reading.

So I realize that I'm a bit biased, but I have a pretty awesome family. And I don't just mean my parents and siblings, who are all pretty awesome. I am even blessed to have aunts, uncles, and cousins both first, second, and third who are all pretty great. God is good to me.

My cousin Marion is doing a series about being real, and lately she's been writing about real marriage. Such wonderful and encouraging reading. You should check her out.

Monday, October 24, 2011


After a long week, I loved getting to play outside on this beautiful fall day with my boy.
I love watching him stand up, pushing his cute little bum in the air to provide some kind of counter weight to his noggin.

He and Lucy played tug of war with a stick, which mostly consisted of Lucy pulling it out of his hand and him grunting at me to get it back for him.

He apparently thought it was funny to see Lucy carry a stick around in her mouth and wanted to try it out for himself.

Sunday, October 23, 2011


Yesterday and today were much better days than friday, for several reasons:
1. I delivered TWO babies on Saturday - and these were the kind of easy, no worry deliveries I especially enjoy.

2. I put on my big girl panties and actually told Mr. Big Shot surgeon that I didn't appreciate being yelled at and that he doesn't need to be rude. I'm much more of a stew-about-it, grudge-holder, so this was big for me. I almost felt like crying when I did it, and then when he apologized, I nearly hugged him. But that would have been weird.

3. We had one of the shortest lists ever today, my day call wasn't bad, AND it was my last day on the service for a while. I've got clinic in the morning and then I'm off the rest of the week. Well, as off as you can be when you have an 18 month old.

4. I realized yesterday that Jeff's mom will be here in a week! It is always a treat when she visits and we all are looking forward to it.

Friday, October 21, 2011

snippets from my day

My day started with having to have a very frank discussion with a 35 (!!) year old mom who has bad, bad cancer. Cancer that is growing and not responding to treatment. She has known about this cancer for some time, and even though it's slowly eating away at her, she stays active and happy. Happy. I left her room and wanted to cry for her.

All this week I have been dealing with a very sick patient in the ICU who I do not believe is going to get better. In fact, at this point, I feel like all the care we are providing is futile and that we are merely prolonging her death. Her family continues to hold out hope that she is going to get better and to demand that we do everything possible. They seemed to get upset with me when I told them (again) today that the patient was actually worse today than she was yesterday. I feel like I have set up an adversarial relationship with this family because of the way I tried to convey this information the first time I saw them, and now I have a hard time having a real discussion with them because they shut down with me.

Judah came and had lunch with me. He loves dipping things now, but doesn't really get that you actually take a bite of the food that is dipped. He prefers to use his dipping food like a spoon. During lunch today we sat with the husband of a resident and her 7 month old. Judah got very excited to see the baby.

My work day ended with me getting yelled at by one of the surgeons at our hospitals, because I dared to call him at 4pm on a Friday. Apparently I "need to have more respect for the specialists" who obviously are too important to work over the weekend. I got over my initial desire to cry and then wanted to reach through the phone and smack him. I will never understand why doctors feel the need to mistreat and belittle other doctors.

Thankfully the end of my work day isn't the end of the actual day. Judah was happy to see me. So was Jeff. Judah got a big kick out of watching me kiss Jeff hello and actually turned my face back toward Jeff with his hand so I'd do it again. I love that kid.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Getting political for a minute.

Here are two posts which sort of resonate with me about the whole "Occupy Wall Street" movement.

First up, this Canadian's take on this claim about who the "99%" actually are.

Of course, Dave Ramsey also weighs in with some other good points.

It's hard for me to really understand the motivation of all these protestors. Or figure out what it is they want.

Anyone out there with good insight into this?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Good meatless recipes.

I'm not anywhere near becoming a vegetarian, but I have been thinking for a while that we need to eat less meat. I definitely have grown up in the camp of thinking that dinner = meat + some sort of side. While I like meat as much as the next person, I also recognize that eating more veggies and beans is a much healthier diet (not to mention much cheaper!). I have found some fantastic meatless recipes recently, so I thought I'd post them here.

First up, what I had for dinner tonight: Spaghetti squash and black bean sauce. About once a year I'll make spaghetti squash, and although I've had  it several ways that I like, none of the recipes have been good enough to make me want to come back to them. This, though, is the recipe that makes me want to come back. That black bean sauce was fantastic. I am already looking forward to eating the leftovers.

Black bean pumpkin soup - slightly heartier that your average pumpkin soup, this one has pureed black beans in it. I didn't actually have black bean when I made it, so I used garbanzo beans. Still very tasty, but I bet it would be even better with black beans.

The last one isn't much of a recipe, but I took the leftover black beans from my black bean sauce, mixed them with some quinoa, salsa, cheese, and a few green onions. This is tomorrow's dinner, but I sampled it tonight and it was delicious.

Jeff, of course, ate hot dogs tonight instead of the spaghetti squash. But he did try (and like) the black bean sauce. Any other favorite meatless recipes?

Sunday, October 16, 2011


A wise, older female physician once gave me what I consider to be fantastic advice:

"As a female doctor, you might be able to do everything, but you can't do everything at once." She was talking mostly (I think) about how you can be both a doctor and a mom, but the career you have while doing both is probably not going to look the same as a man's or someone who is single, i.e. - the job you can do while you have young children will probably not be the most ideal job you can imagine. Maybe it's part time. Maybe it doesn't involve call, teaching, hospital work, OB call, or whatever it is that you want to be doing.

I actually think the advice works in most situations - not just for us female doctors. Many of the women I know have desires to be doing lots of great things - working, mothering, crafting, mercy ministry, writing bible studies, you name it - but right now they have young children/ busy jobs/ homeschool/ other commitments that prevent it. It is easy to get frustrated or beat ourselves up because many of the other things we want to be doing are good things. For instance, I would love to be able to do more medical missions trips or be involved in other mercy ministries. But since having a certain cute little person about 19 months ago, it just hasn't been possible. And I have realized that is ok. This is the season I'm in - when I work only 1 week a month and spend the rest of my time chasing, entertaining, and cleaning up after him. And it is wonderful. I love my son and I love what he brings to our family, even if that means that other things take a back seat. There will be other seasons when I can do more of the other things I love doing.

When I started this post, I wanted to explain why I haven't been posting as much lately. I guess it's about a lot more than that now. This past week was super busy - I was making three cakes for my dad's birthday party, finishing a book page wreath (like this one), priming a cute little table and chairs so I can repaint them for Judah, and trying to get the house super clean so that we could go away this weekend and be ready to start a whole work week. (None of which would have been possible if my dear husband was working. Thanks, honey for all your help!) I love the writing and the blogging that I do here, but I am realizing that just like everything else, I cannot feel guilty or beat myself up when I cannot do it. I cannot do everything at once. This is not some kind of announcement that I'm going to stop blogging, but a recognition that there are some weeks (like the one that is about to start) when I am busy and so I can't do everything I want to.

What about you? What are you hoping to do in a different season?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Question for the reader...

I had totally planned on this being a part of the last blog post, but then somehow that post kind of went off on its own tangent and I decided that I should do a separate post for this. So here goes:

I have mentioned before how I struggle to answer when people make comments or ask me about having another child. I was thinking about it again today when a friend (who didn't really know about our past struggles) made a comment about having another child. I realized that it didn't bother me, but I still didn't know what a good response was. He made a light-hearted comment about it being "time for another one." I hesitated, but then responded with something along the lines of how "we had a hard time getting pregnant and would love another one." As I said, the comment didn't bother me, and I feel like my response was equally light-hearted and matter-of-fact. I still worried afterward that perhaps I made him feel bad. Should I have just nodded? Said yes?

These days I most often feel like I just don't know what to say when this happens. On the one hand, when I was still having a hard(er) time with infertility, I felt so alone. It seemed that no one admitted to having these problems, even though it's an incredibly common problem (1 in 7 couples). I want to be transparent. I want people to know that this is nothing to be ashamed of, and that I would love to talk with them about their own struggles. On the other hand, I also don't want to be one of those people who goes into a 15-minute spiel about their numerous ailments and how terrible life is when asked the very simple question "how are you?", when it is clear that the asker really didn't want all that info. You know?

So my question for you, dear reader, is what do you think? What is an appropriate response? More info? Less info? I'd say now it mostly depends on the context - who it is, how well I know them, my mood at the moment, etc. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

weekend update.

Wow. Sometimes this ole' blog just gets away from me. I write a post and then wham! it's been five days and I didn't even notice. Jeff and I had a glorious child-free evening on friday, thanks to my parents who watched Judah overnight. We went out to dinner, slept in, and even got donuts and coffee in the morning. We vacillated between missing our boy and being very, very glad to enjoy time without him. The rest of the weekend we spent in Asheville, where Jeff had a preaching gig (click here and scroll down to listen!). On the way home, we made our yearly trip to the apple orchard. That stop was an epic fail, since nearly all the apples were picked over AND our camera battery was dead. Honestly, one of the biggest reasons I wanted to go was to get a great picture of Judah picking an apple and maybe standing by the pumpkins like last year. But instead, all I could use was my iPhone. So here is the best it got:

Cute? Of course. Judah always is cute. :) It just wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I had to remind myself that Judah had a good time seeing the sheep and ducks, playing in the play house, and "riding" on the tractor even if I didn't get a beautiful photograph to document it. I sometimes forget that just because I didn't photograph it, it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. I think sometimes I want my documented life - the life people see in the photos I take or the posts I write - to be more perfect than my actual life. I want for everything I do to be beautiful and I want the evidence to prove it. During Jeff's sermon this weekend, he talked a lot about idols and how to tell if something is an idol in your life. I was convicted about a number of things, and today I'm realizing this is just one more to add to the list. I cannot make Judah's life perfect. Why should I stress out to try to make it seem like I can?

And suddenly this post has become about something besides just a weekend update. Hmm. Not sure how that happened.

Anyone else struggling to let go of unreasonable or unhealthy expectations?

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Blowing kisses.

Yes, I know I already posted a few photos of the cuteness that was Judah in his overalls. But here is one before the blueberries, when he's blowing a kiss to some church friends.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

In which I get very dirty.

So a few weeks ago, my friend Sally (pictured here on the far left) asked me if I would like to do a mud run. "Sure," I said, without really thinking about. "Sounds like fun." I didn't really know what I got myself into. This mud run was a 3.5 mile run through the woods which also included 35 or so obstacles you had to go over, under, or through. Numerous 6 foot walls that you had to get over. A run through up a nice section of creek. You get the idea. Did I mention that I have almost no upper body strength? Thankfully, the race is run in a team and I had all these nice people to help me make it.

A few pictorial highlights:
First obstacle.

Yes, this mud pit was deep enough to swim in. yummy.

climbing up the hill.

The big wall.

The last mud crawl

The finish line. Surprisingly, I am actually wearing that same shirt right now, thanks to the modern marvel that is our washing machine. We did have a great time, all the bruises I'm STILL finding notwithstanding.

Anyone in for next year??

Monday, October 03, 2011

Guilty pleasures.

I have a confession to make.

I kind of like Eminem. Here's another confession: So does my husband.

I actually have him to blame. See, our very first date was when he called on a thursday afternoon to ask me out to dinner on friday night, then out to a lecture being given at a local book store by a seminary friend. We had a nice time at dinner; he ordered a salad (!!) and I ate some salmon. We talked about our families. He told me he basically had this church job all lined up in Colorado, at which point I thought to myself, "Well, I guess this probably won't go anywhere...." The lecture we went to was actually a lecture about the world view of Eminem and what a Christian approach to Eminem should be. Clearly, most of his music is filled with a very, very sinful outlook on life, numerous curse words, and occasional violence. But, if you can find the songs that aren't quite so laden with epithets, he is a really talented writer and they all have a fun beat. For instance, his song "Lose yourself" from the movie 8 Mile has very few curse words and is about someone trying to make it in the music industry. What can I say? I sing along to that song whenever I hear it played.
Which is rarely, since even though we own an Eminem album, I am not going to listen to it because most of the other songs, although filled with catchy, syncopated rhymes, I just can't stomach.

Although my musical taste runs much more to the Avett Brothers, U2, and Allison Krauss, I do occasionally want a good head-bopping beat. Enter my husband again, who today introduced me to my new favorite Rap artist, Shai Linne. Check this out:

 Anyone who can rap using the word "imputation" and "propitiation" is awesome. Does your trinitarian theology need a little brush up? How about this one:
Finally, would you care for a defense of the doctrine of limited atonement? Yep, he's got one of those, too. Enjoy.

I am happy that now I can enjoy some rap AND listen to great theological teaching at the same time.

Although I'll probably still enjoy singing along with "Lose Yourself".....

Anyone else out there with a musical guilty pleasure?

Sunday, October 02, 2011

A sure recipe.

Take one plaid shirt,

one pair overalls,

delicious frozen blueberries,

and combine with one 18 month old. Other optional ingredients include sidewalk chalk, a stroller, and a dog.
What you get:

Fun play time and absolute cuteness.