Pilgrims at Oak Ridge

Heartbreaking.

2012-02-01T23:53:00.000-05:00

I give a lot of bad news. I guess it's par for the course of a hospitalist. I have told people they were dying of cancer. Told loved ones a patient had just passed away. Had countless frank bedside conversations with patients and families about mortality.

Today I had to tell a 38+ week pregnant lady her baby had died. With all my experience giving bad news, that is one piece of bad news I've never had to give before. I got called into her room as the in house ultrasound expert because the residents were having a hard time finding a heart beat. I looked for a long time, and all I could see was a baby that was very still. Too still. And then I told her. She cried; I wanted to hold her and cry along too.

It is easy to think that my struggles are hard until I am given the task of telling someone else devastating news.

I am praying for this family tonight.

Patience.

2012-01-31T23:50:00.000-05:00

Just over 4 weeks ago we were officially diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. Initially, I had hoped for a rapid resolution and wanted nothing more than to put this all behind me. I am continually learning, though, that what I think I want or need and God's best plan for me do not always correspond to one another. I apparently am still in need of more patience.

Here we are, a month later, and I would still "fail" (pass?) a pregnancy test. Sigh. Things continue to move in the right direction and my hormone levels are still falling, but I was really hoping that this would be the last time I had to get my blood drawn. I had another check up with my doctor, and learned that the average time to dissolve these things is actually 35 days. And there have been reports of persistent hormone levels for 105 (!!) days. I am really hoping not to set any records, but have just decided that it will take as long as it takes and that is fine. I continue to be thankful that we avoided all the complications related to ectopics and that I continue to be pain-free.

I have pondered the last few weeks what I think God has been trying to tell me in this trial. What does this mean? Maybe God is saying we shouldn't have more children. Maybe he's saying we shouldn't pursue continued attempts to have children. Maybe he's saying that we should. What should we do next? When should we do it?

It's sort of exhausting, this attempt at reading the tea leaves of my life's experiences. But Jeff was so quick to remind me that God has spoken to us already - he first of all sent his Son, The Word, and then he gave us the Bible. We don't have to wait for some divine ESP to know his will. I guess I struggle because when it seems like we are going through a tough time, I automatically want to assume that I need to change course. But Jeff reminded me that we cannot look at trials that way. We cannot think that just because there is sadness or tragedy or frustration that we are doing something wrong or making a wrong choice. Even though Paul was shipwrecked, arrested, beaten, and imprisoned, he didn't change course. Personally, I think if my boat shipwrecked on the way somewhere, I would definitely take that as a sign that I should pick another destination.

But I believe that we are headed somewhere - and that somewhere is where God wants us to go. So we wait. And continue to learn that the God we serve is one who makes the broken whole, the crooked straight, and the ugly beautiful.

This week from the pinterest files.

2012-01-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

I have decided that since I'm making lots of recipes from pinterest these days, I should do a semi-regular post about what I've done. Here's what I made this week:

1. crescent pepperoni roll ups - We host a men's bible study at our house on Sundays and each week I try to make something edible. The men actually prefer something savory (making them very different from women) so I've been having fun looking for finger foods. These were super quick and delicious. I used shredded cheese and also did some made with italian sausage. Yum.

2. Nutella Cheesecake Bars. I don't think I really need to say much about them. Nutella + cheesecake + oreo crust = extra delicious.

3. Quinoa cakes with poaches eggs. Although I LOVED the poached egg on top, the quinoa cake didn't really do anything for me. To be fair, I modified the recipe and added shredded carrot, but I think I'd prefer my quinoa served like normal. I really love the blog these came from, so be sure to check out the rest of her stuff.

Next to me.

2012-01-29T20:23:00.000-05:00

Jeff and I went to a wedding this weekend. It was wonderful. My dear friend was, of course, beautiful and radiant, and her groom had a big smile on his face as she walked down the aisle to meet him. They both love Jesus and their wedding was a celebration of his love for us as well as their love for each other.

As I was listening to the vows, I was suddenly overcome with thankfulness for the man God has blessed me with. I thought about all we've been through lately and realized that I could not have managed alone. I love being married when we get to do things that are fun - taking trips, fun dates, sharing the joy of having a baby - this is "for better." I realize that when I really love being married is during the "for worse" - when I am discouraged, grieving, questioning, and sad. Knowing that there is someone else who believes that my struggle is his struggle, my grief is his grief, and who always wants what is best for me makes those "for worse" kind of days so much better.

So thank you, Jeff, for being the one who sits next to me.

New Record

2012-01-23T20:33:00.000-05:00

I set a new personal record today - I saw - either rounded on or completed a history and physical on 28 (or was it 29??) patients today. Even though I had the good day on Friday where I discharged 8, the patients just. keep. coming. in. We had 48 (!!!) patients on our list this morning, (which is divided between 2 physicians) and because my partner got at least 9 admissions I was helping her finish a few. I'm not sure what is going on, but our hospital has been crazy busy these last few weeks. I'm hoping it's going to slow down soon because being this busy is not sustainable.

All that to say that I'm hoping to get back to more regular blogging soon, but not this week.

Reasons to be Happy

2012-01-20T20:54:00.000-05:00

1. I just got back from walking the dog in the rain. Anytime I walk/run in the rain/snow, it automatically puts me in a better mood. Yay for foul weather.

2. My repeat hormone level this week was WAY down, and all signs point to this whole thing being over very, very soon. I'm thankful we can finally start moving on. I have also continued to be amazed at how well this has gone physically. There are so many things that could have made this much, much worse.

3. I discharged eight patients from my list today and only admitted 3. Since I started the day with TWENTY patients, I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.

4. I had delicious dinner tonight of spicy thai noodles and cabbage salad with peanut dressing. This was leftover from last night, which makes it even better because it was a delicious dinner that I didn't even have to cook.

5. I feel like a good wife because in addition to making the above mentioned dinner yesterday, I also made a double batch of bird's nest egg cups for Jeff to eat for his breakfast this week AND some lemon blueberry quinoa muffins that I can take to work and eat.

6. If you've been following me on pinterest, you have seen that my love for all things nutella runs deep. On Monday I was in a baking mood and made banana cupcakes with - you guessed it - nutella frosting. So. Dang. Delicious. I got to take these to have dinner earlier this week with some good friends, another fun activity.

7. A dear friend is getting married next weekend and I get to watch. I'm sure most of us have single friends who are so fantastic that we can't understand why they are single. I actually have several. But finally this dear one is getting married and I couldn't be more excited.

8. My dear, dear sweet boy is just getting sweeter. He is getting to such a fun playful age and loves to try to copy everything and repeat what I'm saying or doing. I LOVE it. For instance, he saw Jeff using air quotes recently and then spent the rest of that lunch trying to do air quotes himself. Hah! He loves to giggle and be tickled and is happy most of the time. He has been such an encouragement to me these last few weeks. We had a fun time tonight when I would build a little stack of blocks and he would knock it over with his airplane over and over. Good times. Then I blew a zerbert on his belly and he dissolved into a puddle of giggles. He gives the best hugs and loves to give kisses and I can't get enough of either.

Pinterest.

2012-01-16T20:37:00.000-05:00

I decided I was ready for a little less serious on this blog, so thought I'd post some reviews of things I've made recently from pinterest.

1. Bird nest necklace DIY - I thought the one I made for my mom turned out really great, even though I didn't do it exactly right. I will definitely be making one of these for myself sometime.

2. I loved the idea of a chocolate cobbler. I did not really love the actual cobbler. In my opinion, not as good as brownies and definitely not as nice as the chocolate souffle I made this week.

3. I could not get enough of these spicy thai noodles. I will add that her recipe calls for using 1 T. of pepper flakes in the oil, but I used a little less than that and still found it a little too spicy. I think next time I'll just use maybe 1.5 tsp. I also served it hot and sauteed some mushrooms to add to the noodles. This will definitely be going into our regular rotation.

4. Taquitos - I think this was not the recipe I glanced at since I didn't remember seeing anything about lime juice or cumin, but even without those things, these were delicious and completely consumed when I served them for the men's bible study we host on Sunday nights. But they were a snap to make using leftover chicken and super delicious. I can only imagine that with the added spices they would be even better.

Any one else find something on pinterest they loved this week?

Here.

2012-01-15T20:34:00.000-05:00

I wish I could say that this week has been a breeze and that I am doing great with everything that has happened. I wish I could say that my attitude has been good and that I can already clearly see God's purpose in it all.

But that would be a lie. The truth is that I feel like I've been thrown for a loop. I feel like I have days where I can trust God's goodness, followed by other days where all I want to do is feel sorry for myself and be sad. In my head I know that this is part of God's perfect plan, but my heart is still sad for this baby I will not get to meet in August.

As I was up in the middle of the night last night, rocking a screaming toddler (still not sure what that was about), I did give his sweet head an extra sniff and thank the Lord for the gift he gave us in Judah. He may have been even more of a miracle that I realized.

I never used to understand why a woman would have an invasive medical procedure like a D & C after having a miscarriage since most of the time your body will naturally take care of it. But almost two weeks into undergoing medical treatment for this ectopic, I can understand why you'd want to. It's hard to move on and put this all behind me when I still have several more weeks of waiting ahead of me. I know taking the medicine was the right decision, but I am so ready for this to be over. In spite of all the God has tried to teach me about patience, I still am not good at waiting....

So please keep praying. I think reflecting on this latest disappointment has made me struggle even more with some of the other disappointments we've been through lately. I find myself angry and upset, yet again, that Jeff was turned down for licensure. I am questioning all over why it has taken Jeff so long to find a job. And I don't want to do that.

But I am ready to finally hear some good news.....

Thankful.

2012-01-09T17:25:00.000-05:00

Until a week or so ago, I could not imagine ever being thankful for an HCG level that is declining. But today I am. My level went down by 27%, just eking past the required 25% decline necessary to avoid surgery. We'll have to keep following it, of course, to make sure it continues to fall, but for now we seem to have avoided all the most serious complications that can accompany ectopic pregnancy.

We deeply, deeply appreciate all the love prayers that have come our way. The facebook messages, emails, and texts have reminded us how blessed we are to be surrounded by so many who love us. This has obviously been a heartbreaking week, but we have certainly felt sustained by the one who has redeemed us.

I'm not sure I'll ever understand why this happened. Why we would be given such an unexpected blessing at the end of a tough year, only to lose it a few weeks later.

And yet - I realize it could have been so much worse. Ectopic pregnancy is a potentially life-threatening condition. I could have hemorrhaged. I could have been left permanently without one of my fallopian tubes or lost an ovary. I could have died. But I didn't. And I am thankful for this.

In Sunday school yesterday we were studying the story of Joseph, which seemed to me quite providential. He never got angry or doubted God's goodness in spite of being sold into slavery, wrongfully imprisoned, or forgotten. When he was called to Pharoah and saw the chief baker there, the one who had forgotten him, he didn't yell at him. He just continued to do what God had called him to do. Joyfully. That is where I want to be.

Reflections. by Jeff.

2012-01-05T16:47:00.000-05:00

Its hard to know how to blog well about the last month of our lives. The Christmas pictures don't really tell the story of what has been going on. It started with joy in the beginning of December because Aubrey was pregnant. And this week is filled with crying because she's not pregnant anymore.

It all started a month ago when I was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast and Aubrey came in and plopped a positive pregnancy test in front of me. We were thrilled. It made us so happy. For the last four years words like infertility, miscarriage, and fertility treatments had become a regular part of our vocabulary. And then, out of nowhere, Aubrey got pregnant when we weren't even trying. This must be how it happens for other people, getting pregnant without stressing about it for a year! It was great, at the end of a year that had had its share of difficulties and stresses, God dropped an unexpected blessing right in our laps. Of course, we know things can go wrong, and so our optimism was cautious and guarded. But there's a type of pregnancy joy and anticipation that just refuses to be guarded, even when you think you know better.

As part of her job, Aubrey has become somewhat of an ultrasound expert, and she can't help but do ultrasounds on herself. During December she did a couple ultrasounds on herself to peak at our peanut, and she wasn't quite sure things looked right. But all her hormone levels looked good. So we chalked it up to not knowing the exact timing of her progress and the awkwardness of ultrasounding your own uterus, and we kept praying for health and safety. Meanwhile we alternated between dreaming about introducing Judah to a baby sibling, and worrying about worst case scenarios.

This week, the worry was continuing, so Aubrey went to her OB on Monday, and we found out that the pregnancy is ectopic. Its like a miscarriage, but worse. So this week has been filled with sadness, grief, and trying to figure out how to tell those we love about what we're going through. In fact, we're still trying to figure out how to get our own heads around what we're going through. There's a lot of loss, and we're still processing. I learned last time that we had a miscarriage that its much worse for the wife (this might be obvious to some, but I had to go through it to learn it). In addition to everything else, they have physical issues to deal with that are a constant reminder of the pain. In fact, the medicine that Aubrey is taking now is making her feel even worse that the regular first trimester nausea. And we won't know until next week if the medicine is doing its job, and the remaining issues have been sufficiently dealt with.

At the same time this week, I started a new Bible reading plan as part of a psuedo-New Years resolution. The plan, which I did not design, had me begin reading the book of Job this week. After his own loss, Job declares, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord." There's so much about that statement that I find inscrutable. Most of the time when I read it it is impossible because it seems trite, as though it couldn't possibly be true to the depth of emotional pain that Job must have been feeling. But this week it seems enigmatic not because its trite, but because there is a depth to the mystery of God's love for us, and his unfathomable providence that defies easy explanation. God is good to us, and his love and care for us is most clear to us when we see Jesus on the cross. We lost a child, and our God knows exactly how we feel, because he freely gave his own son for us, to show how much he loves us. Everything he does is for our good, to conform us to the image of his son. Beyond this, we don't have all the pieces put together, but we still share Job's sentiment.

Catch up.

2011-12-30T23:15:00.000-05:00

As you can see, I sort of lost all motivation for posting on Christmas. We had a wonderful time with my family and Judah definitely loved opening presents. Pictures to come soon.

For now, though, I'm back at work and still a bit under the weather. This cold I just had was a doozy.

I did lots of homemade gifts again this year, although I didn't manage to photograph what I did. Here are some of the links I used:

1. Casserole Carrier
2. Rocket Ship
3. homemade vanilla
4. Bird's nest necklace

And I got this awesome homemade menu board made with chalkboard paint from my brother and SIL. I love it and can't wait to use it.

December 24

2011-12-25T09:49:00.000-05:00

Well, I didn't get this posted last night in between the church service and some last minute pajama sewing. To me, though, this is what Christmas is about- celebrating the light who came into the world.

"For the people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined."

-Isaiah 9:2

December 23

2011-12-23T22:58:00.000-05:00

Jeff, Judah, and Ian

December 22

2011-12-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

Finally on vacation!

December 21

2011-12-21T22:55:00.000-05:00

After dinner playtime. you can tell it's after dinner because he has yogurt on his shirt.

December 20

2011-12-20T22:47:00.000-05:00

Baking night!

December 19

2011-12-19T20:34:00.000-05:00

Busy work week + a miserable head cold = not taking many photos. I was wondering around the house tonight trying to find something to photograph. What you get is one of my more favorite Christmas decorations - candy cane ornaments inside a glass jar. Here's hoping this head cold goes away before vacation starts.

More dpp here.

December 18

2011-12-18T12:00:00.002-05:00

Christmas part 1

We opened presents with Jeff's parents last night. Judah was very, very excited about his new car.

December 17

2011-12-17T19:58:00.001-05:00

South Carolina in winter. No snow, but we do have nice camellias. Not exactly a fair trade, but nice nonetheless.

December 16

2011-12-16T19:58:00.001-05:00

Yes, I took these yesterday, but since I worked all day today, I had to post them. The zoo was a blast!

Judah especially loved the giraffes.

December 15

2011-12-15T20:32:00.001-05:00

Sadly, the battery and power cord died on our laptop so I can't access all the great photos I took at the zoo today. Jeff's parents are in town and we had a wonderful time at the zoo. Now we are enjoying a rousing game of scrabble, a common activity when they visit. Hopefully we can get back to better photos tomorrow.

December 14

2011-12-14T19:33:00.000-05:00

We've been nursing a sick boy today and this morning I had to take a renewal CPR class. Thus the resorting to an instagram photo. But I do love how festive it looks.

December 13

2011-12-13T21:32:00.000-05:00

Ever since I first found out that my dear Aunt Lynn had lung cancer, I wanted to grow my hair out to donate. Today I finally, finally cut it all off. Although it might be a little bit shorter than initially anticipated, it does feel great to have done this. Aunt Lynn fought cancer bravely for as long as she could, and then let Jesus do the final healing. We still miss her.

Earlier this year, a very dear family friend was also diagnosed with breast cancer. She, too, has been fighting hard and so this is also for her.

Lip balm tutorial.

2011-12-12T23:31:00.001-05:00

So I've been wanting to make homemade lip balm for at least a year ever since I first saw this recipe in a Martha Stewart magazine. Last year I couldn't find any beeswax locally and could only get it after Christmas when I finally made it into a craft store. Then every time I thought about making it, I could never find any appropriate containers. Since a quick internet search solved that problem, I decided this was finally the year when I'd make a bunch of lip balm to give away as a gift. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was and so thought I'd do a little photo tutorial in case anyone else out there wants to make some this year.

1. Ingredients: beeswax, carrier oil (I used a combo of sunflower and almond), and essential oil in the scent of your choosing. (These can be purchased fairly inexpensively at a grocery store like Whole Foods if you are lucky enough to live near one, or a GNC which is where I went since my town doesn't have Whole Foods. Sigh.) I found a block of beeswax on sale a while ago, but the pellets would work better if you can find them.

(before it's melted)

2. Combine 2 TBSP. of carrier oil for every 1 TBSP of beeswax in a jar sitting in a pan of boiling water or over a double boiler. I used a big glass bowl which allowed the wax to melt well, but was fairly annoying to clean up afterward. Let all the wax melt. You know it's all melted when the wax is completely clear and liquid. According to the website, this should make enough for 2 0.5-oz.-tins, so I usually at least tripled it since I was making such a big quantity.

(after it's melted)

(the final color I had)

3. Remove from heat and add a few shavings from an old lipstick if you want it to be slightly tinted. When the lip balm sets, it will be a much lighter color than it looks now, so add more than you think you need. This is also the time to add the essential oil. The recipe says to add the oil one drop at a time, but at least for the scents I was using (orange and grapefruit) it took a LOT to make it have any noticeable scent. I added probably at least a tsp. each time to about 4 TBSP of beeswax, and the lip balms still weren't that strongly scented. I also tried to add some vanilla extract, but FYI - vanilla contains mostly water and alcohol, both of which are immiscible in oil. Oops. Apparently I forgot that bit of basic chemistry momentarily. You can use vanilla bean, though.

4. Using a cheap turkey baster, suck up some of the liquid and pipe it into the container of your choice. Allow to sit for at least 20 minutes, then you are ready to go.

Finished product. Doesn't it look great?

December 12

2011-12-12T15:17:00.000-05:00

Office play time.

December 11 - Christmas party!

2011-12-11T21:09:00.000-05:00

LSPC had the annual Christmas party at our house tonight. I think the pics speak for themselves! For previous parties - check out this. and this.

For the rest of the DPP, head here.

December 10 - the outtake

2011-12-10T12:30:00.001-05:00

My SIL and I did a little photo shoot of all the kids to use in not so secret Christmas project. Here is my favorite outtake, of my goofball of a nephew, Caleb.

December 9

2011-12-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

The women's bible study I take part in goes, every Christmas, to visit a local residential facility for recovering addicts. Last year, my first year in the Bible study, I had to work the day they went and so was unable to go. I am so thankful I made it this year. We sang some songs and shared a bit with them about the powerful God we serve. Then they got up and shared about how God has been changing them. It was incredibly moving - sometimes in my somewhat sheltered life, I forget how powerful God is. And that he came to set the prisoner free. A good thing to be reminded of this advent season.

December 8 - baby shower

2011-12-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

Tonight I had the pleasure of attending a baby shower for a fellow resident and friend. (Isn't she lovely?)

We had a wonderful time talking, eating, and playing my personal favorite baby shower "game" - the "decorate a onesie" game. No melted candy bars involved. :)

On my way over to the shower, I was thinking about a blog post I once read (and I can't remember where, or I'd link to it) that was talking about how to deal with infertility in the church. I remember there was lots of good advice, but it all basically boiled down to "weep with those weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice." Which certainly sounded like good advice. It is easy to become bitter and upset when other people get the good news you've been waiting and hoping to hear, and it is always good to be reminded that the Bible calls us to something better. I would add, though, that the way that we rejoice with our rejoicing friends in the midst of heartache may not necessarily mean attending every last baby shower we are invited to. For a long time while I was struggling with infertility I felt the need to attend every shower there was, but I quickly realized that I could rejoice with a happier heart by sometimes skipping the shower and sending along a gift when the baby was born. I learned my limits and realized that while the Bible does command us to be joyful and not bitter, it doesn't say that we have to accept every invitation that comes our way.

December 7

2011-12-07T19:49:00.001-05:00

We (finally!) got our tree up yesterday. I had been feeling rather bah-humbug this Christmas season because we had no decorations up yet, so I was so excited to get our tree up and decorated yesterday. I had this whole plan that we were going to make hot cocoa and listen to Christmas music and get our house decked out. Then I got called into the hospital to deliver a baby. This sweet girl was having her first baby, and since the last delivery I got called in to do, I actually missed, I was feeling a bit over zealous and went to the hospital well before I was really needed. She ended up having the baby around 9:30 or so and I was very bummed that we were going to have to postpone decorating for another day since I didn't get home until after 10.

But I have an awesome husband who was totally game to do our decorating late! I still made hot cocoa, we turned on some Christmas pandora, and got the tree decorated and some stockings hung. We definitely still have some halls to deck, but I'm feeling much more "Joy to the World" now. It also helped that I spent much of today working on some homemade Christmas gifts.

Since we did the tree after Judah went to bed, he was so excited to explore it this morning. It was adorable how excited he was about all the ornaments. He just back and forth around the front of the tree touching all the low-hanging ornaments.

And this isn't that great of a photo, but here is Judah's "busted" face - the one he uses when I've caught him doing something he knows he isn't supposed to be doing. In this case, touching the glass ball ornaments. I do love that I got it on film.

December 6

2011-12-06T22:57:00.000-05:00

What can I say?

I have a really cute kid.
For more photo fun, check out this.

December 5

2011-12-05T22:29:00.000-05:00

The annual hospital Christmas party. I feel like every year I post either a picture of myself (last year) or a pic of the decorations (other years.) This year I though I'd post one of each. I found a cute and inexpensive dress on sale at TJ Maxx, painted my nails, and even managed to successfully put my hair up in a bun. (Thank you, pinterest).

The food was as good as always, and the decorations looked nice.

Afterwards, we drove home slowly through our neighborhood to take advantage of the free babysitting we had. (My dad.) I do love the icicle lights.

December 4

2011-12-04T09:00:00.001-05:00

I love when Judah wears overalls. I also love when he wears the converse high tops I got at a consignment sale. Overalls + converse = really, really cute

December 3

2011-12-03T18:27:00.000-05:00

I ate a delicious lunch today at one of my favorite downtown Greenville restaurants. I loved seeing it all decorated for Christmas.

December 2

2011-12-02T09:13:00.000-05:00

December 1

2011-12-01T09:10:00.001-05:00

Hay bale sunrise.

Are you ready?

2011-11-30T09:09:00.001-05:00

I woke up at 6:30am this morning and drove to Edgefield even though I wasn't working there today.

Why??

Because it's time for the DPP and that drive is incredibly beautiful at sunrise. Even though it's not quite December, I wanted to get tomorrow's post ready a day early. Are you signed up yet for the DPP? The fun thing this year is that even if you don't have a blog, you can also do it on facebook!

Awesome music.

2011-11-29T10:14:00.000-05:00

I somehow stumbled onto the youtube channel of The Piano Guys last night. I was blown away. Here is just a sampling of my favorites.

And here's another:

Here's a fun one where they do an impromptu concert at an Assisted Living Center.

And finally, what is better than Taylor Swift? (Who is admittedly, another of my guilty pleasures) Taylor Swift as arranged by Jon Schmidt!

Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-25T08:35:00.000-05:00

My favorite shots from the day....

We started what I hope will be a new tradition - the post thanksgiving bonfire. Or maybe it's the Sam's birthday bonfire. Either way - it was great fun.

Family.

2011-11-23T21:03:00.000-05:00

A while ago, there was some internet chatter about a Perry Noble (local megachurch pastor) quote in which he describes why he refuses to do any hospital visitation. At the time, it really bothered me. I guess it still sort of does. You have this successful man of God who is supposed to be shepherding his flock but refuses to spend time with them when they are at their neediest.
And yet today I was really challenged to rethink my hang-ups with this particular Perry Noble quote. Now I'm not going to say that I agree with everything this guy does or even the way that he does it. But on the way up to my parent's house, Jeff and I listened to an incredibly eye-opening sermon by Mark Driscoll about ministry marriages. (You can find this sermon by searching for "Mark Driscoll ministry marriages" on iTunes. Sorry I couldn't find a direct link.But everyone should listen, particularly those who are in ministry.) He did a lot of research about several evangelical "saints" who had incredible ministries but at great cost to their families. This list included people like John Wesley, Hudson Taylor, A.W. Tozer, David Livingston.

The neglect and indifference to which they subjected their families was heart-breaking. And very clearly represented misunderstanding God's commands for fathers and husbands. They really made "ministry" an idol to which they sacrificed their families. I do not know what Mr. Noble's life is like. I can imagine, though, that managing such a large church is a huge time committment. (I will admit that I still have a problem with someone's decision to continue to grow a church to such an enormous size instead of trying to plant more smaller churches. And the whole multi-site church thing perplexes me. But those are discussions for another day.)

He is right about one thing: that his primary responsibility is to his family. He is a husband and father before he is a pastor. And that is good.

Judah update.

2011-11-22T13:58:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a while since I've talked about what all Judah is up to. And even though he STILL hasn't had his 18-month well check (scheduled for next week!), I thought I'd go ahead and post something today.

I'd say we are still on the slow end of language development, but are finally starting to get somewhere. He continues to sign a lot, but yesterday actually said "please" when he signed it. He was asking for a french fry which is probably his favorite food, so I'm guessing he was extra motivated to actually use words. He also sometimes says "all done" (ah uh) when he is through eating. I'm happy that he is also doing more mimicking of the words we try to get him to say, but he doesn't do that consistently yet. He knows lots of animal sounds. Actually when I try to get him to say "cow" he will say "mmmm" which is his word for "moo." Same thing with duck, sheep, dog, monkey, and owl. He still loves making car sounds and will now also make a train sound "chh-chh" that is adorable. His current favorite word is probably "boom" which he will say if he falls, if he tries to push his stroller into my leg, or right now as I hear him plopping down in his crib onto his bottom. He says "yes" (ehth), and shakes his head vigorously for "no." I really try not to worry about his language. Even though he doesn't actually say much, he communicates very well. But when I see and hear about kids younger than him who have bigger vocabs, it's hard not to worry a little. I realize, though, that he is his own person and will learn things at his own pace.

His eating habits continue to improve. For the longest time, the only meat he would eat was sausage or bacon. (I love pig, too, so I can't really blame him.) Yesterday, though, he ate chicken fingers from Chick-fil-A! Today's lunch consisted of a few bites of couscous and an entire can of olives. (The olive eating he definitely didn't get from me. I can't stand the things. That one is pure Jeff) Yogurt and cheese are still staples. He loves peas, corn, broccoli (usually), and occasionally carrots. I was also pleased that he seems to like black beans now too. Breakfast is still is favorite meal of the day.

He is such a funny kid. He loves laughing and especially gets tickled during his bath when he tries to squirt me with the bath toys. He also loves chasing Lucy with things like the broom or his popper, but we are trying to break him of that habit. He is getting better and better at obeying and listening to us

He is starting to enjoy scribbling with crayons. He loves using a spoon to eat and actually operates it quite well. He continues to (normally) be a great napper, although I'm currently listening to him fuss in his room. He has 8 teeth, 6 on top and only 2 on bottom.

I've decided that parenting changes as your child ages, but I can't decide if it gets harder or easier. I love that he sleeps through the night and doesn't eat every 3 hours, but knowing how to deal with a tantrum and deciding when and how to discipline is tough. I do know that it definitely gets more fun. I am excited about how he'll continue to change and develop!

Photos and a question.

2011-11-20T21:22:00.000-05:00

I was getting some pics of the camera and found these from when Jeff's mom was visiting. We had a great time with her and are very excited she'll be back next month. I really loved how these turned out.

I wish I had more to say right now. Sorry. The Christmas crafting has begun. Maybe after I get everything made and handed out I can put up some links to all the great things I'm making.

I do have one question - now that we actually have a kid who can participate in a few things, does anyone out there have any favorite advent traditions? We're going to do a Jesse Tree - I should post more about what we're doing (and the ornaments I'm making!) some time soon. What have you all done that has worked well for your family? Anything especially meaningful?

Unlikely to happen again.

2011-11-14T22:30:00.000-05:00

I get an email at least weekly that gives me a little blurb about some recent medical studies and also gives some more practical commentary on the findings. Tonight I laughed out loud while reading this commentary about a recent medical study done in Australia. It's definitely the first time that's ever happened and is likely to be the last. Medical research? Usually not that funny.

Anyway, there has been info in the news lately about how you should do CPR to the tune of "Stayin' Alive." Don't believe me? You can even see this in an episode of The Office.

Anyway, some researchers wanted to do a study to prove or disprove that this is helpful. So they designed a study where they had EMS workers perform CPR on manikins while listening to "Disco Science," "Achy Breaky Heart," or no music at all. They found that although the participants did pump a lot faster while listening to "Disco Science" compared to "Achy Breaky Heart" or nothing, no one pumped deep enough to be helpful. The conclusion of the authors of this study was that therefore music wasn't helpful and maybe we should just use a metronome instead.

Here is a direct quote of the commentary provided:
"A metronome instead of the Bee Gees? Really? The advantage of music is that it can be self playing in the mind of the rescuer, whereas use of a metronome would require the physical presence of the device. Although listening to a song with a cadence of 105 beats/minute did not improve compression depth, it did improve compression rate. That said, the choice of song should be made carefully; despite its perfect rhythm, Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" might not be the best choice in a code situation."

Ha! Now I know what song will be in my head during the next code I go to.....

Good Links.

2011-11-12T12:00:00.000-05:00

I feel like I haven't had much to say lately. I guess that's just how it is sometimes. In lieu of an actual content-filled post, here are some good links.

1. Ever since sixyearmed stopped posting (sniff), I've been missing reading good medical content told from a Christian perspective. Enter Ali's African Adventures. I have been reading this blog intermittently for a few years now. Ali is now back on the Mercy Ships serving in Sierra Leone right now. You really should check out her blog for some fantastic stuff.

Not that I necessarily agree with all his theology, but Mark Driscoll might be one of the smartest men I know of. Need Proof? Here is what his sermon notes look like.

Need a fairly healthy snack? Try this cookie dough dip, which is made with chickpeas. Jeff wasn't really a fan, but I am digging it. I think it would be even tastier with some added cocoa. And I'd recommend using mini chocolate chips, or some good dark chocolate chopped up into fairly small pieces.

Al Mohler has some rather thoughtful commentary about what happened at Penn State this week. Since everything I've ever read by him is thoughtful commentary, this doesn't surprise me.

Jazz up your oatmeal.

2011-11-10T19:20:00.000-05:00

We eat lots of oatmeal around here. It's actually one of Judah's favorite breakfast foods, and I like that it's fast and healthy. I get tired of normal oatmeal, so have been experimenting with ways to make my morning oatmeal more interesting. Here are my favorites:

1. Before cooking the oatmeal, saute some apples in butter and then let me cook with the oatmeal.

2. Add frozen blueberries at the beginning of the cooking time. Blueberries are delicious and a super food, plus they turn the oatmeal a lovely shade of purple. Yum all around.

3. Although I almost always make oatmeal using milk instead of water, I have replaced the milk with coconut milk a few times as well. This gives it a tropical flavor, and you can also add shredded coconut to up the coconut taste even more. As a bonus, coconut is a really healthy fat, so adding the coconut milk makes the oatmeal a little more filling, in my experience. If you have coconut oil around, using this instead of butter is another way to get make it more interesting.

4. Add 1 cup of pumpkin and some cinnamon and nutmeg to the oatmeal in addition to the liquid. Pumpkin is full of fiber and vitamin A, so in addition to making your breakfast taste like fall, you are increasing the nutrition by a lot.

5. Top with granola. I know it sounds weird to top your oats with more oats, but the crunchy contrast of the granola to the mushy oatmeal is quite nice.

Anyone else have any ways they like to kick their oatmeal up a notch?

Photo dump.

2011-11-08T20:02:00.000-05:00

Time for another iPhone photo dump of all the cute shots of Judah.

Judah with his gramma:

Blowing a dandelion:

Funny little video. It doesn't take much to amuse him.

Living room revamp.

2011-11-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

I am not a decorator. I am crafty, but when I check out websites like this one, I am in awe of others' abilities to arrange things in such a pleasing way. I feel like I need someone to come to my house and tell me where to put things, but I don't want to actually pay anyone to. So, all that said, I have not been pleased with the decorating scheme in my living recently. A few months ago, we got a new chair, and ever since then I wasn't satisfied with the layout. I actually think a big part of the problem was that for a long time after getting the new chair, I never got rid of our old one, even though that was the plan. This caused the room to feel cluttered because there was just too much furniture. Out went that old chair, along with two other wooden chairs that were not being used to sit on. Immediately it felt better. But I still wasn't happy.I especially haven't been satisfied with my "mantle". I put that word into quotations because it isn't like a real mantle, but is instead this awkward triangular-shaped space that I couldn't do anything with. Exhibit A: but maybe imagine it looking more cluttered since I actually had already started my rearrangement when I thought to snap a "before" picture. And I apologize in advance that these iPhone pictures leave a lot to be desired.

See - awkward blah space.

What I decided to do was create more of a traditional mantle by moving a mirror hanging elsewhere in my living room. I also found a few other things to put in front. Although it's still a work in progress, I'm really loving the new arrangement.

Items in front include a vase that was sitting on a shelf in my craft room, my button trees, a $5 Hobby Lobby letter painted black, a silhouette of Judah, and some beach glass in a jar we had sitting around on another table in the living room.

Since I moved that mirror, I had a big empty space to fill on another wall. A few weeks ago I made a book page wreath inspired by this one here. Since I relocated my mirror, I finally had a good place to hang it.

The room isn't perfect, but I am happy about the direction it's going. And a big thanks goes out to Sue, my MIL, who helped do LOTS of rearranging in my house this week while she was here. Now I need to post photos of my sewing room transformation....

Gnome costume how to

2011-11-03T09:39:00.004-04:00

I must admit, I really loved how Judah's costume turned out this year. I also loved how cheap it was. I think the total I spent on Judah's costume was around $6. Here's the breakdown:

For the hat, I measured around Judah's head and cut a fairly tall triangle out of an old Christmas tree skirt I had laying around with that measurement across the bottom. I then folded it in half right sides together, sewed up the side, and turned out. The eyebrows are just bushy white rectangles I sewed on the front. For the beard I just cut a pointy, bearded shape and sewed it to the sides of the hat. It took a few times trying it on him to get the length right.

So that it would look like he was wearing tall boots, I just created a tube out of black felt and cut it to the right length to come up to about his knees. He wore these on top of his pants and pulled down over his boots.

The beard kind of covered up the buttons, but I did love how they looked. I just hot glued two big black button onto his shirt (which was turned inside out to hide the graphic on the front). These I can remove now and then he can actually wear the shirt later. The best shot I got of them is the one where he was yanking off his hat.

If your kid is like mine, he or she won't tolerate the hat and beard unless the hands are occupied with something like a sucker, so expect the need for bribery to get a good photo.

Table Re-do.

2011-11-01T12:23:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I was given (!!) a wooden child's table and chairs from a friend whose children are all in high school now. I actually had wanted something like this for a while, but never saw one that was reasonably priced. Yay for nice friends who give me free stuff. It was kind of scuffed, and painted a dark red that didn't really go with my house.

Some primer and a few sample-sized cans of paint later:

I really love how it turned out. I'm still thinking about decoupaging a map or map pieces on the top, but we'll see....

From spitball to gnome.

2011-10-31T21:22:00.000-04:00

It's fun now that we are in Judah's second year to look back and see how much he's grown in a year. Here he is on Halloween last year:

He was such a baby then! So little.
And now he's a little boy. My baby is totally gone. Sniff.

We went to maybe three houses and Judah ate one sucker. Just about perfect for a 19-month-old.

Good reading.

2011-10-27T08:27:00.000-04:00

So I realize that I'm a bit biased, but I have a pretty awesome family. And I don't just mean my parents and siblings, who are all pretty awesome. I am even blessed to have aunts, uncles, and cousins both first, second, and third who are all pretty great. God is good to me.

My cousin Marion is doing a series about being real, and lately she's been writing about real marriage. Such wonderful and encouraging reading. You should check her out.

Fall.

2011-10-24T20:47:00.000-04:00

After a long week, I loved getting to play outside on this beautiful fall day with my boy.

I love watching him stand up, pushing his cute little bum in the air to provide some kind of counter weight to his noggin.

He and Lucy played tug of war with a stick, which mostly consisted of Lucy pulling it out of his hand and him grunting at me to get it back for him.

He apparently thought it was funny to see Lucy carry a stick around in her mouth and wanted to try it out for himself.

Whew.

2011-10-23T20:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday and today were much better days than friday, for several reasons:
1. I delivered TWO babies on Saturday - and these were the kind of easy, no worry deliveries I especially enjoy.

2. I put on my big girl panties and actually told Mr. Big Shot surgeon that I didn't appreciate being yelled at and that he doesn't need to be rude. I'm much more of a stew-about-it, grudge-holder, so this was big for me. I almost felt like crying when I did it, and then when he apologized, I nearly hugged him. But that would have been weird.

3. We had one of the shortest lists ever today, my day call wasn't bad, AND it was my last day on the service for a while. I've got clinic in the morning and then I'm off the rest of the week. Well, as off as you can be when you have an 18 month old.

4. I realized yesterday that Jeff's mom will be here in a week! It is always a treat when she visits and we all are looking forward to it.

snippets from my day

2011-10-21T21:33:00.000-04:00

My day started with having to have a very frank discussion with a 35 (!!) year old mom who has bad, bad cancer. Cancer that is growing and not responding to treatment. She has known about this cancer for some time, and even though it's slowly eating away at her, she stays active and happy. Happy. I left her room and wanted to cry for her.

All this week I have been dealing with a very sick patient in the ICU who I do not believe is going to get better. In fact, at this point, I feel like all the care we are providing is futile and that we are merely prolonging her death. Her family continues to hold out hope that she is going to get better and to demand that we do everything possible. They seemed to get upset with me when I told them (again) today that the patient was actually worse today than she was yesterday. I feel like I have set up an adversarial relationship with this family because of the way I tried to convey this information the first time I saw them, and now I have a hard time having a real discussion with them because they shut down with me.

Judah came and had lunch with me. He loves dipping things now, but doesn't really get that you actually take a bite of the food that is dipped. He prefers to use his dipping food like a spoon. During lunch today we sat with the husband of a resident and her 7 month old. Judah got very excited to see the baby.

My work day ended with me getting yelled at by one of the surgeons at our hospitals, because I dared to call him at 4pm on a Friday. Apparently I "need to have more respect for the specialists" who obviously are too important to work over the weekend. I got over my initial desire to cry and then wanted to reach through the phone and smack him. I will never understand why doctors feel the need to mistreat and belittle other doctors.

Thankfully the end of my work day isn't the end of the actual day. Judah was happy to see me. So was Jeff. Judah got a big kick out of watching me kiss Jeff hello and actually turned my face back toward Jeff with his hand so I'd do it again. I love that kid.

Getting political for a minute.

2011-10-19T22:02:00.000-04:00

Here are two posts which sort of resonate with me about the whole "Occupy Wall Street" movement.

First up, this Canadian's take on this claim about who the "99%" actually are.

Of course, Dave Ramsey also weighs in with some other good points.

It's hard for me to really understand the motivation of all these protestors. Or figure out what it is they want.

Anyone out there with good insight into this?

Good meatless recipes.

2011-10-18T22:40:00.000-04:00

I'm not anywhere near becoming a vegetarian, but I have been thinking for a while that we need to eat less meat. I definitely have grown up in the camp of thinking that dinner = meat + some sort of side. While I like meat as much as the next person, I also recognize that eating more veggies and beans is a much healthier diet (not to mention much cheaper!). I have found some fantastic meatless recipes recently, so I thought I'd post them here.

First up, what I had for dinner tonight: Spaghetti squash and black bean sauce. About once a year I'll make spaghetti squash, and although I've had it several ways that I like, none of the recipes have been good enough to make me want to come back to them. This, though, is the recipe that makes me want to come back. That black bean sauce was fantastic. I am already looking forward to eating the leftovers.

Black bean pumpkin soup - slightly heartier that your average pumpkin soup, this one has pureed black beans in it. I didn't actually have black bean when I made it, so I used garbanzo beans. Still very tasty, but I bet it would be even better with black beans.

The last one isn't much of a recipe, but I took the leftover black beans from my black bean sauce, mixed them with some quinoa, salsa, cheese, and a few green onions. This is tomorrow's dinner, but I sampled it tonight and it was delicious.

Jeff, of course, ate hot dogs tonight instead of the spaghetti squash. But he did try (and like) the black bean sauce. Any other favorite meatless recipes?

Seasons.

2011-10-16T22:04:00.000-04:00

A wise, older female physician once gave me what I consider to be fantastic advice:

"As a female doctor, you might be able to do everything, but you can't do everything at once." She was talking mostly (I think) about how you can be both a doctor and a mom, but the career you have while doing both is probably not going to look the same as a man's or someone who is single, i.e. - the job you can do while you have young children will probably not be the most ideal job you can imagine. Maybe it's part time. Maybe it doesn't involve call, teaching, hospital work, OB call, or whatever it is that you want to be doing.

I actually think the advice works in most situations - not just for us female doctors. Many of the women I know have desires to be doing lots of great things - working, mothering, crafting, mercy ministry, writing bible studies, you name it - but right now they have young children/ busy jobs/ homeschool/ other commitments that prevent it. It is easy to get frustrated or beat ourselves up because many of the other things we want to be doing are good things. For instance, I would love to be able to do more medical missions trips or be involved in other mercy ministries. But since having a certain cute little person about 19 months ago, it just hasn't been possible. And I have realized that is ok. This is the season I'm in - when I work only 1 week a month and spend the rest of my time chasing, entertaining, and cleaning up after him. And it is wonderful. I love my son and I love what he brings to our family, even if that means that other things take a back seat. There will be other seasons when I can do more of the other things I love doing.

When I started this post, I wanted to explain why I haven't been posting as much lately. I guess it's about a lot more than that now. This past week was super busy - I was making three cakes for my dad's birthday party, finishing a book page wreath (like this one), priming a cute little table and chairs so I can repaint them for Judah, and trying to get the house super clean so that we could go away this weekend and be ready to start a whole work week. (None of which would have been possible if my dear husband was working. Thanks, honey for all your help!) I love the writing and the blogging that I do here, but I am realizing that just like everything else, I cannot feel guilty or beat myself up when I cannot do it. I cannot do everything at once. This is not some kind of announcement that I'm going to stop blogging, but a recognition that there are some weeks (like the one that is about to start) when I am busy and so I can't do everything I want to.

What about you? What are you hoping to do in a different season?

Question for the reader...

2011-10-12T12:00:00.000-04:00

I had totally planned on this being a part of the last blog post, but then somehow that post kind of went off on its own tangent and I decided that I should do a separate post for this. So here goes:

I have mentioned before how I struggle to answer when people make comments or ask me about having another child. I was thinking about it again today when a friend (who didn't really know about our past struggles) made a comment about having another child. I realized that it didn't bother me, but I still didn't know what a good response was. He made a light-hearted comment about it being "time for another one." I hesitated, but then responded with something along the lines of how "we had a hard time getting pregnant and would love another one." As I said, the comment didn't bother me, and I feel like my response was equally light-hearted and matter-of-fact. I still worried afterward that perhaps I made him feel bad. Should I have just nodded? Said yes?

These days I most often feel like I just don't know what to say when this happens. On the one hand, when I was still having a hard(er) time with infertility, I felt so alone. It seemed that no one admitted to having these problems, even though it's an incredibly common problem (1 in 7 couples). I want to be transparent. I want people to know that this is nothing to be ashamed of, and that I would love to talk with them about their own struggles. On the other hand, I also don't want to be one of those people who goes into a 15-minute spiel about their numerous ailments and how terrible life is when asked the very simple question "how are you?", when it is clear that the asker really didn't want all that info. You know?

So my question for you, dear reader, is what do you think? What is an appropriate response? More info? Less info? I'd say now it mostly depends on the context - who it is, how well I know them, my mood at the moment, etc. Any thoughts or suggestions?

weekend update.

2011-10-11T20:52:00.000-04:00

Wow. Sometimes this ole' blog just gets away from me. I write a post and then wham! it's been five days and I didn't even notice. Jeff and I had a glorious child-free evening on friday, thanks to my parents who watched Judah overnight. We went out to dinner, slept in, and even got donuts and coffee in the morning. We vacillated between missing our boy and being very, very glad to enjoy time without him. The rest of the weekend we spent in Asheville, where Jeff had a preaching gig (click here and scroll down to listen!). On the way home, we made our yearly trip to the apple orchard. That stop was an epic fail, since nearly all the apples were picked over AND our camera battery was dead. Honestly, one of the biggest reasons I wanted to go was to get a great picture of Judah picking an apple and maybe standing by the pumpkins like last year. But instead, all I could use was my iPhone. So here is the best it got:

Cute? Of course. Judah always is cute. :) It just wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I had to remind myself that Judah had a good time seeing the sheep and ducks, playing in the play house, and "riding" on the tractor even if I didn't get a beautiful photograph to document it. I sometimes forget that just because I didn't photograph it, it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. I think sometimes I want my documented life - the life people see in the photos I take or the posts I write - to be more perfect than my actual life. I want for everything I do to be beautiful and I want the evidence to prove it. During Jeff's sermon this weekend, he talked a lot about idols and how to tell if something is an idol in your life. I was convicted about a number of things, and today I'm realizing this is just one more to add to the list. I cannot make Judah's life perfect. Why should I stress out to try to make it seem like I can?

And suddenly this post has become about something besides just a weekend update. Hmm. Not sure how that happened.

Anyone else struggling to let go of unreasonable or unhealthy expectations?

Blowing kisses.

2011-10-06T14:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know I already posted a few photos of the cuteness that was Judah in his overalls. But here is one before the blueberries, when he's blowing a kiss to some church friends.

In which I get very dirty.

2011-10-05T20:42:00.000-04:00

So a few weeks ago, my friend Sally (pictured here on the far left) asked me if I would like to do a mud run. "Sure," I said, without really thinking about. "Sounds like fun." I didn't really know what I got myself into. This mud run was a 3.5 mile run through the woods which also included 35 or so obstacles you had to go over, under, or through. Numerous 6 foot walls that you had to get over. A run through up a nice section of creek. You get the idea. Did I mention that I have almost no upper body strength? Thankfully, the race is run in a team and I had all these nice people to help me make it.

A few pictorial highlights:

First obstacle.

Yes, this mud pit was deep enough to swim in. yummy.

climbing up the hill.

The big wall.

The last mud crawl

The finish line. Surprisingly, I am actually wearing that same shirt right now, thanks to the modern marvel that is our washing machine. We did have a great time, all the bruises I'm STILL finding notwithstanding.

Anyone in for next year??

Guilty pleasures.

2011-10-03T23:36:00.000-04:00

I have a confession to make.

I kind of like Eminem. Here's another confession: So does my husband.

I actually have him to blame. See, our very first date was when he called on a thursday afternoon to ask me out to dinner on friday night, then out to a lecture being given at a local book store by a seminary friend. We had a nice time at dinner; he ordered a salad (!!) and I ate some salmon. We talked about our families. He told me he basically had this church job all lined up in Colorado, at which point I thought to myself, "Well, I guess this probably won't go anywhere...." The lecture we went to was actually a lecture about the world view of Eminem and what a Christian approach to Eminem should be. Clearly, most of his music is filled with a very, very sinful outlook on life, numerous curse words, and occasional violence. But, if you can find the songs that aren't quite so laden with epithets, he is a really talented writer and they all have a fun beat. For instance, his song "Lose yourself" from the movie 8 Mile has very few curse words and is about someone trying to make it in the music industry. What can I say? I sing along to that song whenever I hear it played.
Which is rarely, since even though we own an Eminem album, I am not going to listen to it because most of the other songs, although filled with catchy, syncopated rhymes, I just can't stomach.

Although my musical taste runs much more to the Avett Brothers, U2, and Allison Krauss, I do occasionally want a good head-bopping beat. Enter my husband again, who today introduced me to my new favorite Rap artist, Shai Linne. Check this out:

Anyone who can rap using the word "imputation" and "propitiation" is awesome. Does your trinitarian theology need a little brush up? How about this one:

Finally, would you care for a defense of the doctrine of limited atonement? Yep, he's got one of those, too. Enjoy.

I am happy that now I can enjoy some rap AND listen to great theological teaching at the same time.

Although I'll probably still enjoy singing along with "Lose Yourself".....

Anyone else out there with a musical guilty pleasure?

A sure recipe.

2011-10-02T22:57:00.000-04:00

Take one plaid shirt,

one pair overalls,

delicious frozen blueberries,

and combine with one 18 month old. Other optional ingredients include sidewalk chalk, a stroller, and a dog.

What you get:

Fun play time and absolute cuteness.
Enjoy!

New fall decoration

2011-09-30T23:02:00.002-04:00

The other day when I was searching on pinterest for a tutorial to make a button tree - one of those styrofoam cones covered in buttons - I stumbled on this beautiful thing:

Source: bonkersaboutbuttons1.blogspot.com via Shereen on Pinterest

Although I did start my other button tree project tonight (not finished yet, so no photos) I decided that it would be much easier and quicker to make one of these, but use fall-colored buttons instead. I stuck the wire onto a foam base and covered it with moss.

I really love how it turned out. I also love that I had almost everything I needed to make this project already. (So I had to buy the foam base and moss, but I had a huge box of buttons and plenty of floral wire). I love that this is a fun button-stash busting project (much like the other button tree I am working on). I am already envisioning a winter-inspired version using white and silver beads that look like snow. I can't wait.

Chalk Art

2011-09-29T18:00:00.000-04:00

Judah and I play outside every day. Many days we play outside both in the morning and again in the afternoon. One of his favorite activities is to play with chalk. He will pick it up, draw a line or two, and then throw the chalk at me (we are working on the throwing) like he wants me to draw something. Even though I love to craft, I have never been big on drawing. But I do get tired of drawing little cars and sailboats - two of my better, easily-drawn items. I got a bit ambitious the other day:

My King Kong leaves something to be desired, but I was pleased. And since Jeff also gets the task of drawing things for Judah with the chalk, next we have a chalk outline Jeff did of Lucy the other night, which just sort of cracks me up. Good times.

I'm getting the feeling our kid is going to turn out a little weird.

Two videos.

2011-09-28T23:35:00.000-04:00

For whatever reason I just haven't felt like I had much to say or write over the last few days. So instead of a deep, philosophical conversation you will get cute video. Because my boy is cute. First up, here he is using a spoon. He is getting much more independent (which is usually fun to see) and LOVES to use the spoon himself.

Here, he just discovered the joy that is dipping french fries in.... honey mustard. Because that's what we had at our table. He doesn't seem to understand that you then eat the fry, but he'll get it eventually...

First ever pinterest fail.

2011-09-26T21:33:00.000-04:00

I've had some great successes making recipes I've found on pinterest. For instance, a few weeks ago I made homemade crock pot tikka masala that seriously tasted exactly like what I used to order when I lived in a city where I could frequent an Indian restaurant. I can't believe I didn't post about when I made it.

Anyway.... So today I saw this recipe on pinterest for flourless chocolate cookies. They looked easy and delicious, and I liked that I had some egg whites on hand I could use up:

Source: chocolateandcarrots.com via Aubrey on Pinterest

Beautiful, right?
Here's what mine looked like:

Umm... not quite the same. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but the directions left something to be desired. They were still crunchy and chocolately, but not quite the beautiful, round, crackly-topped things of the photo. Oh well.

Anyone else out there with any fantastic pinterest successes or fails?

Exciting happenings....

2011-09-24T22:49:00.000-04:00

These are not that exciting for anyone unless you happen to live in Greenwood, but this past week there opened BOTH a T.J. Maxx AND a Hobby Lobby.

I don't have to tell you how excited I am. The T.J. Maxx is seriously one of the nicest ones that I've been in. It has been so long since I've been in one, I had forgotten how much different stuff they have. I was excited to pick up a cute butter dish (I had been on the prowl for one for a while), some coconut flour (looked interesting), and another locking tongs to use in the kitchen.

And then there was Hobby Lobby..... My creative/crafty sense was on overdrive. Aisles and aisles of beautiful craft supplies and fabric. We already have an excellent fabric store in town, but it's nice to get a little bigger selection to choose from. And the ribbon! The ribbon selection was awesome. I picked up a wreath form and some styrofoam trees, thinking I'd make a book wreath like this or maybe like this. I'd really like to make a button tree as a Christmas decoration or maybe a twine tree? We'll see. As you can see, I'm already finding ways to fill up any free time I have with more craft projects.

Now if Greenwood ever got a Target, I'd never want to move...

Cabinet!

2011-09-21T10:33:00.000-04:00

Tonight Judah took all the stuff out of "his" cabinet - i.e. the one he is allowed to play in - and tried to climb in and close the door behind him.

He just didn't quite fit.

Jeff's Birthday

2011-09-20T22:31:00.000-04:00

Jeff turned 34 this past week. Since I was working on his actual birthday, we did a little celebration on Sunday. The food didn't quite measure up to last year's party - it had been a loooong week - but we all still enjoyed the hotdogs and potato salad. (Especially me - since my mom made the delicious potato salad and hot dogs are easy to cook!)

Jeff requested cupcakes again this year, and although initially he thought he might like the same flavor as last year, he also said he wanted cupcakes that were both frosted AND filled. Knowing Jeff's love of all things chocolate and peanut butter, I used this recipe for chocolate peanut butter cake, and took the ganache that is supposed to go on top and piped it into the cupcakes as a filling. Yum. Everyone really loved the cupcakes. Especially Judah.

After dinner we all had fun playing bubbles in the driveway.

Happy Birthday, my dear husband.

Justice

2011-09-19T12:20:00.000-04:00

Almost 18 months ago, my dad called me on the phone, crying. A good, honorable, upstanding man--one I had known since kindergarten-- had just been convicted of a very terrible crime. I was stunned. I was sitting in the parking lot of Office Depot, listening to my father tell me that he had actually been convicted. The fact that he had even been accused was shock enough, and although I knew his trial was ongoing, I had forgotten that it was the last day and that a verdict was forthcoming. As Dad told me, I just couldn't believe it. Ted was going to jail. He had taken me tubing, taught me Sunday School, and we had gone on family vacations together.

I often do not understand God's ways. Over the years I have seen many things happen that push my faith in knowing that God is good. All the time. This was another trial that I didn't understand. Many, many people have been praying for months and months that justice would finally be done.

Today, word finally came that it was. The State Supreme Court overturned his conviction and he should be home in the next week or two. Now I am the one crying, but it is with tears of happiness.

I still do not understand why this had to happen - why he had to spend so much time in prison and away from his family. I may never know. I do know that I had always grown up with a lot of trust in our justice system, and not very much compassion for prisoners. That has changed somewhat - for me and for most in the church I grew up in. I know that Ted himself, always a teacher, has done all he can to minister to other prisoners around him. He has continued to praise the Lord in the midst of this dark time, not growing bitter or losing faith. This attitude has been a witness to many more in the community who know him and love him. I also am certain that God will continue to redeem this tragedy and use it for his glory.

Today, my heart sings with David in Psalm 103:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit,who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.

Amen.

Sweetness.

2011-09-16T09:44:00.003-04:00

I have a sweet boy.

I love that he has started to try to give us kisses. He'll come over when I'm sitting on the floor, lean in with his attempt at puckered lips, and lay one on me.

He has recently really gotten into signing "thank you." I had tried to teach him this sign a while ago, but it wasn't really working, so a few weeks ago I started using it again with him. Every time I give him something now, he'll sign it and give me a big grin. Especially if it's something like a cookie.

Judah really loves when I sing to him. Basically every night since he was a few months old I sing him a hymn as I'm about to put him to bed. Sometimes when I am rocking Judah before I lay him down, he'll point at my lips and grunt, which I take as an invitation to sing to him. It can be funny sometimes, because he seems to have preferences as to what he likes to hear and sometimes will shake his head "no" with certain songs. He definitely doesn't like the song "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" or "Good Morning to you." "All for Jesus" is still a favorite (most of the time), as is the Doxology and "Be Thou my Vision," but he really didn't want me to sing "Jesus loves the little children." I guess we all are allowed our preferences.

Becoming reformed.

2011-09-14T21:22:00.001-04:00

I grew up in the Wesleyan church, which is a little odd considering that I'm now married to a Presbyterian pastor. I only bring it up because I was poking around the ol' internet recently and came across some interesting blog posts discussing people's different disagreements with reformed theology, and it got me thinking. I used to have these same thoughts about reformed theology. What was it that changed my mind?

I want to say, first of all, that I am incredibly grateful and thankful for the denomination I grew up in. Even though I don't really agree with all their theology, Wesleyans love Jesus and believe that what the bible says is true. I was surrounded by a church family that loved me and prayed for me and that is a blessing that has shaped who I am. I also don't mean for this to become some sort of argument or proof text battle. I only want to explain how I got here.

I remember once in college when the pastor of the baptist church I attended gave an illustration to make his argument against irresistible grace by saying something like the following (This was over ten years ago, so things get a little fuzzy): "The offer of salvation is like God standing in front of you, offering you a dollar. He doesn't make you take the dollar, and you just have to reach out your hand to get it." I think a lot of people probably feel this way - that when Jesus says "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden," he is standing in front of every person in the world, palm up, ready to take our hand, and all we have to do is reach out. I certainly felt this way.

Then I read Ephesians. I mean, really read it. And came to this passage, from Ephesians 2:

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus...

Did you catch the beginning? It says "You were dead...." I think that maybe really reading and thinking about this passage is what got me. Over the years, it's also been one of the passages that I keep coming back to and thinking about. We are not standing in front of a Jesus who is holding out a gift to give us. We are dead. Not just a little sick, or blind, hard-hearted, or turned in a different direction. Dead.

Have you seen a dead person? I have, in my career, seen and examined a lot of dead people. And they are so incredibly gone that there is no way anyone who is dead can reach out and take anything. I became a Calvinist because I know that no one, if given the "choice," would choose God. We cannot, because the option to choose something means that we are alive.

I won't say that it was an easy transition or that I think I have all the answers. There is much I do not understand about God's mercy, justice, and love. But I know enough to trust him, and every day I thank him for breathing life into my dead heart.

Vacation.

2011-09-12T21:10:00.000-04:00

Friday afternoon, I dropped Judah off with my mom and drove away for the weekend. It's the first time I've left him anywhere, except for the one or two overnight calls I had while finishing up residency. I was a little emotional about it when I dropped him off, but after that we all were fine. As I was saying goodbye to him, I gave him a few rounds of kisses until he actually moved my hands off his car seat, like he was trying to shoo me away.

Judah had a blast with my parents, and I enjoyed a most excellent ultrasound CME and getting to catch up with a few college friends. Jeff came down for the first night, but since he knows almost no one in Columbia and it's not quite as nice to visit as say, Boston, he decided to spend the rest of the weekend home alone since I would be busy pretty much all day with class. The class I took was wonderful and got me even more excited (if that were possible) about using ultrasound to help diagnose and treat disease. Although I currently do tons of OB ultrasounds, I'm looking forward to trying to do more ultrasounds to assess heart function, lung disease, and use it for procedures.

It was strange being back in the town where I went to college - it has changed so much that it felt somewhat foreign to me. I was having a hard time remembering what roads went where and how to get around. Even though I did miss Judah, I will say that I enjoyed having some free time where I didn't have to clean up anything, change any diapers, or worry about keeping someone else entertained. I went to a book store and browsed. I sat and enjoyed a quiet lunch outside. It was lovely (though it would have been much lovelier if Jeff had been there with me.)

Now I just need to plan a real getaway with Jeff. Any suggestions as to where we should go?? Within a 4 hour drive of Greenwood, if possible....

Ten years ago.

2011-09-11T22:13:00.000-04:00

Ten years ago I was a senior in college, enjoying a snooze-in since my first class didn't start until 11. I woke up to the sound of my roommate yelling something at the TV. I got up to see the towers burning and watched in horror as they fell.

Today, oddly enough, I was actually in almost the exact same physical spot as I was ten years ago. I'm back in the town where I went to college taking a class for a few days. During my lunch break I wanted to go and sit somewhere to enjoy the nice weather, so I picked up some take out sushi from a grocery store and went to oldest part of USC's campus. As I was sitting there, I realized what day it was and found it very odd that even though I have only been back to campus once or twice since I left, here I was, sitting a mere 100 feet from the apartment where I was that awful day.

I actually ended up skipping my first class that day. I just felt so unsettled that I didn't want to go, and the upper level advanced Spanish literature class wasn't really my favorite anyway. That semester I was also taking an elective class that involved reading African American literature and learning to play the harmonica. All I remember is going to that class, talking about what happened, and playing "Amazing Grace" together as a class. Our professor, a decided atheist, inexplicably loved that song, and that was how he wanted to process.

Thinking back on it, I cannot think of a better reminder of God's goodness in the midst of uncertainty.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

Good Recipes

2011-09-08T11:42:00.001-04:00

1. I've mentioned before my favorite salmon recipe. I just made it again tonight, and wow! It was really fantastic. Seriously, you should make this salmon. Soon.

2. I served it with some roasted potatoes I made using a Barefoot Contessa recipe, a new recipe that will be getting a lot of use. I love recipes that are delicious, easy to make, and use ingredients that I usually have around. In case you want to make extra delicious potatoes, here it is:
      2.5 lbs red potatoes (I used white)
      2 yellow onions (I used one big vidalia)
      3 T. olive oil
      2 T. whole grain mustard (I used dijon)
      2 t. kosher salt
      1/2 t. pepper

Chop the onions and the potatoes into chunks and put on baking sheet. Whisk the rest of the ingredients together and pour over potatoes and toss to coat. Bake at 425 for 50 min (I think mine baked a little quicker).They should be brown and toasted.

3. Anyone else out there love iced coffee? This summer has been the summer of the iced coffee for me. For a while I'd drop by starbucks on my way to work, but that gets expensive. Then I tried just pouring my hot coffee over ice. Not nearly as tasty as the starbucks version, but the price was right. At our family reunion, my cousin Marion introduced me to homemade cold brewed coffee. It was an epiphany. Here is the recipe she uses. In addition to telling you how to make the coffee, there is also a recipe for this sweet cream to add to make it even more delicious. All I'll say is that it involves sweetened condensed milk. The great thing about this recipe is that it makes a gallon of cold coffee concentrate that stays in the fridge, which is enough to last a long while. She says a month. I'd say more like 1-2 weeks. Since some of us might drink a glass (or two) more than once a day. My only adjustment was to add vanilla to the milk mixture for extra flavor. I also love that I can make it decaf (or half-caf), which other places isn't an option. (Take that, Starbucks!)

When "The Question" Bothers Me.

2011-09-07T06:00:00.004-04:00

Through our time of dealing with infertility, I have gotten better and better at not being bothered when people ask me about having more children. I realize that they don't mean any harm; it's a natural and common question to ask someone with a child. Most people I meet have no idea of my history and have no way of knowing that even a seemingly innocuous question can sometimes make me sad. So I have just made a decision that that particular question is not going to bother me.

Recently, though, I was asked that question by someone who knows something of our struggle, with whom I have shared some of our trials, and who I thought understood where we were. Although I am honestly never surprised when I get this question anymore, this time it came as a jolt. I quickly gave my standard answer (We'll see, we'd love more, blah, blah....), but I think my smile faltered more than normal. This is not a close friend or even someone I'd say knows me well, so maybe she forgot? Maybe she doesn't understand that when I say that we had to use IUI to get pregnant the first time, it's not like we can just decide to get pregnant again and have it happen? Maybe she was trying to ask if/when we were going to pursue treatments like that again?

I'm not sure. All I know is that for the first time in a while, I was bothered by the question. I guess I just expected that if someone knows that we had such a hard time the first time around, they would understand that there is no easy answer to that question. Sigh.

So now I have renewed my resolve not to let that question bother me, even when I am asked by those who know our struggles.

A Few Judah things...

2011-09-05T09:16:00.000-04:00

People, we have more speech.

I've decided that he's been talking more than I realize, I just don't pay close enough attention. This week I realized he's been saying "up" for a little while. I didn't realize, though, because it comes out like "buh." Today, I was thinking he said a more distinct "up," so he must realize that for his dense mommy to pick it up, he's got to be articulate. In addition to the word that means "doggy" (diggy or gigi) he also maybe says something slightly different when he points to a cat, although I'm not sure how to write it. He asks for "wa-wa" more and occasionally a banana "na-na."

A few days ago I handed Judah to Jeff because I was going somewhere (to work, maybe?). I leaned in to kiss Jeff and Judah leaned towards me and kind of smacked his lips. He was trying to give me a kiss. Totally unasked for. I melted.

He has started shaking his head "no" a lot more. Which occasionally is nice when I want to know if he wants more of a certain food, but I feel like his standard, go-to answer is always no, so sometimes it's hard to decipher what he means. We also are having a lot more of the tantrums and crying when he doesn't get his way, as well as more blatant disobedience that we are having to discipline. I do think he is slowly understanding what it means when I say that if he continues to do a certain bad behavior, he will get a spanking, which is a step in the right direction.

My good napper is (mostly) back. I decided that he was just teething when I posted that he wasn't sleeping well. Most days he still takes two very good naps, although today he missed his morning nap and then slept for 4 hours this afternoon. He does have two new teeth on top, bringing his grand total up to six. I have a feeling the bottom ones will be poking through soon.

I love seeing him interact with babies - he loves to look at them and touch their toes and he really seems to enjoy them. He will give them a big smile and kind of tilt his head to the side in this really cute way. Precious.

His absolute favorite thing is still anything with wheels or an engine along with animals of all sorts, especially dogs. He is constantly making a "vroom-vroom" sound when he sees or hears anything motorized. I got him some new pajamas with big trucks on them and Jeff went to get him up from his nap the other day and found him sitting quietly in his bed, pointing at the truck on his shirt saying "vroom-vroom." If he sees a dog he will point and grunt until we take him over to say hello, and he is slowly learning how to pet more gently.

In spite of the increased tantrums and disobedience (can I just say that whoever thinks that people are inherently good has apparently never met a 17 month old?) that toddlerhood brings, my sweet boy is still a joy and getting more and more fun as the days go on.

The saga of our roof or Why you should never hire Ideal Development Concepts.

2011-09-02T21:16:00.000-04:00

I was reading Megan's blog today and could totally commiserate with her about her recent customer service woes. I then realized that I never really posted anything about it here, and now that the whole thing is settled, I thought I'd fill everyone in about how the whole thing went down.

Back in June, a strong thunderstorm knocked down a tree in our yard such that it side-swiped our roof and knocked off our gutter. Since we were all home at the time, we were thankful it wasn't a more direct hit and that there wasn't more damage.

This is what the damage looked like. Not too bad, but just bad enough that we were told that essentially the entire front half of our roof would need to be replaced. Mostly because there would be almost no way that they would be able to match the exact shade of green in our current shingles. Our insurance company quickly sent out an adjuster and approved the repair. They suggested a company called Ideal Development Concepts that they said they had worked with before, and told us we should use them. It was not a local company, but that was fine with us.

At first, things seemed like things were going ok. The guy we initially talked to seemed to be a good guy and understood what we needed. Then it quickly went down hill. He never returned phone calls until Jeff had called several times. It took him several weeks to finally send someone out to take a look at what needed to be done, in spite of him promising that he'd be out "right away". It took several more weeks for them to actually come out and do the work, again after telling us that they'd be out tomorrow, or the next day, or whatever. It took lots of harassing to actually get them to do it. The first day they showed up was to do some carpentry to fix the front of our roof where some wood had been torn off. They showed up, then left 20 minutes later, saying they'd be "right back," but that they needed to go get some nails. Who shows up to a carpentry job without nails?? They never even came back that day. Eventually they fixed the carpentry stuff, but it took another long while before they came back to fix the shingles. When they finally did come, (we were on vacation), our neighbor actually felt compelled to photograph them because they were so frequently not working.

They also left a large pallet of shingles on our lawn. In July. In South Carolina. For over a week. You can imagine how that ended - with a big patch of brown grass. We returned home from vacation to this:

Yes, in fact that is a different color shingle. That they stopped installing about 2/3 the way up our roof. The lighting of this photograph makes the two colors look more similar than they are, I think, but especially in the late afternoon it looked horrible. That was how they left it. There was no plan to finish, in spite of what we'd talked about with the contractor. Another neighbor also happened to be getting a new roof right around this time, so Jeff asked the boss man over there to come and take a look. Besides the obvious problem of having two totally different colors of shingle on our roof, he also told us that they had done a really, really bad job. The shingles weren't installed correctly, and the ones that were installed in the right way had been poorly installed. They were super crooked, and the siding they'd had to replace was also all wrinkled. On top of everything, they'd used a crappy shingle and left TONS of nails all over our driveway and in our yard. When we finally got back in touch with our initial contact, it became clear that he had hired some sort of sub-contractor to do the job, and acted like it wasn't his fault that they did such shoddy work. He tried to tell us they could fix the work, but by then we'd had enough of that company. (Jeff was so mad about it that he signed up for Angie's list just so he could leave a bad review.)

Thankfully, our insurance company sent out another adjuster who looked at everything and agreed that it all had to be done again. This time we hired a local guy who managed to get it all done a few weeks after we'd hired him. He also promptly returned calls and made sure that our lawn wasn't messed up. The workmen showed up promptly and cleaned up after themselves. And finally, two months after this all started, we have our nice roof back: (Which in this picture doesn't even look green, but it is. But now the whole thing is the same green.)

So much nicer. We are thankful for USAA, our insurance company, who did a pretty good job (except in their first recommendation) of getting this taken care of, and our new roofing company who finally did a good job! The adventures of home ownership....

Name Pillow tutorial

2011-08-31T19:04:00.000-04:00

I had the best kindergarten teacher.

Her name was Mrs. Arnold. She taught me how to read and drilled phonics with our class. Because I went to a small Christian school, she was able to do a few special things with everyone (individually) in the class. I remember getting to go get ice cream at McDonald's with her and my best friend, Mary Katherine. We also did something called an M&M walk where we went to the local botanical garden, walked around, and periodically ate M&Ms. (I'm not sure what the purpose of this was, other than walking and eating M&Ms. But hey - isn't that enough?)

In addition to doing all these fun things in the classroom, she also made for all of her students, every single year, a pillow and pillowcase with each student's name on it in felt. We kept these pillows at school until the end of the year when we could take them home. I still have my pillow. Probably if you took a poll of everyone who she made one for, you'd find nearly everyone still has theirs. My little brother, a member of her last ever class before retiring, still has his.

Since I have always loved mine, as soon as I got pregnant I knew I'd be making one for my child eventually. And I realized that they make great gifts. They do require some sewing, but this could be easily done by hand if you wanted. To start, I bought some travel pillows from Target. They were around $5. Then I bought a pack of two plain white pillow cases. I got the king size. You could totally do this with just some plain white fabric, but the premade pillowcase made the project much simpler. I feel like this is a really easy project that doesn't need a tutorial, but maybe any beginning sewers out there might enjoy a few pictures to see what I did.

From each king size pillow case, I was about to make 2 travel-sized pillowcases. Since the pillows I got were 14 X 20 in, and the pillowcases were just a bit over 21 inches wide, I only had to cut them in one direction to get something the right size. I measured 15 inches from the closed end of the pillow case and cut across, then another 15 inches from that cut to make the final cut.

Then I used my seam ripper and gently opened up one of the side seams.

I then ironed this fold once and then folded it down and ironed it one more time, to give a nice, clean-looking edge that would become the opening for the pillowcase, which I then sewed down.

Next I turned the pillowcase wrong side out and sewed down both of the openings in the long side.

Turn right side out and now you have a nice, travel-sized white pillow case. (For some reason I didn't photograph it plain. Oh well.)

Now you get to cut out your letters. I used the font called "Century Gothic," sized to 440, which I printed and used to cut out my felt. So far I have only made pillows with five letter names or less, so if the name has more letters then you will need to shrink it down. I splurged and got some nice 100% wool felt since I want these to last. I bought mine from this etsy shop, and felt that they had pretty good prices and a wide selection of colors.

After your letters are cut out, pin them onto the front of the pillow case. To get them level, I ironed a crease into the pillow case as a guide.

Sew around each letter. I used white thread because I didn't want to change between every letter, but certainly a coordinating thread would also look nice. You kind of have to go slow to make sure and stay close to the edge of the felt. I actually tried to use wonder under to iron the letters into place on the first one I made, but had a hard time getting it to work with the felt. Using the pins really seemed to work fine.

Repeat for each letter and then admire your handiwork.

For Judah's I used all primary colors (you can kind of see it behind Jack's), and this one I made for my nephew Jack had a nice teal and orange. Honestly I think I like the more diverse colors a little better than just primary. I just made one this week for my other nephew, Caleb, and did his name in reverse rainbow order (Blue "C", green "a", Yellow "L", orange "e"...). This might be my favorite one so far. (I did not photograph it, though. But I'm guessing you all can use your imaginations.) Obviously for girls you can do it in really girly pinks and purples or whatever are the favorite colors of said girl.

It's a nice, fairly quick project you can do in an afternoon and end up with something very personalized that any birthday boy/ christmas girl/ valentine's day cousin would be happy to have.

Good Links.

2011-08-29T12:00:00.001-04:00

A few interesting things I've run into traipsing through the world wide web....

1. Really cool/creepy insect portraits.

2. Another excellent and encouraging post about motherhood at Desiring God.

3. An awesome wet bag tutorial. I'm not sure why it took me so long to make one of these. Great for cloth diapers, buy also great for swimming, potty training or any other time when kids get wet or dirty. I made two last night in less than an hour. You could also easily adapt this to make smaller lined snack bags, which are next on my list.

Things I hate....

2011-08-28T22:52:00.000-04:00

1. The fact that I can spend all afternoon cleaning the house and kitchen, cook one meal, and realize I can't even tell I cleaned so much. Sigh. This makes me think I should stop either cleaning or cooking.

2. No matter how simple or straightforward a sewing project is, I am never able to finish it without using my seam ripper at least once. Or twice.

Sent from my iPhone

An oldie, but a goodie...

2011-08-26T09:00:00.000-04:00

I was trying to delete a bunch of draft posts I have currently saved on my blogger dashboard, when I found this post. Just a couple of pictures of some flower/weed. I cannot say when or where I took them, but I still appreciated their beauty. Since I enjoyed seeing them, I thought you might, too!

Good desserts.

2011-08-25T19:22:00.000-04:00

A few recent favorites.

1. S'mores pie. I made this pie once for a church social, and then made two more of them to take to our family reunion. I cannot stress enough how delicious they are: super dense and chocolately with a toasted marshmallow topping. I even used a store bought graham cracker crust, so they probably would be even tastier with homemade.

2. Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream. My cousin Aaron made this at the same family reunion. This was the perfect chocolate peanut butter ice cream: sweet and chocolate-y with just a hint of saltiness. I always like when I find ice cream recipes that don't involve cooking a custard because that means they are quicker to put together. This will definitely be made again.

Catechism

2011-08-24T12:24:00.000-04:00

The denomination we are currently a part of, the PCA, uses the Westminster Catechism as their preferred catechism. As someone who didn't grow up in a denomination that stressed a catechism I have enjoyed having a list of questions and answers I can see and read to find out what exactly my denomination believes. Now, I like that catechism, at least the parts of it I've read. The first question is a fairly famous one, and honestly the only one I have memorized. But over the years I have found that it does help me in thinking about the purpose of my life as a whole and giving me a good perspective on things. So here it is:
Q: What is the chief end of man?
A: Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

It is short and sweet and yet a good reminder of what I should be about.

Our Sunday school curriculum at church is produced by the ARP, a different presbyterian denomination, that uses the Heidelberg catechism instead. As much as I like the Westminster catechism, there is something great about the Heidelberg, too. I especially love the first two questions, which make the catechism as a whole seem much more pastoral and encouraging than the westminster.

Q: What is thy only comfort in life and death?
A: That I with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him.

Q: How many things are necessary for thee to know, that thou, enjoying this comfort, mayest live and die happily?
An: Three; the first, how great my sins and miseries are; the second, how I may be delivered from all my sins and miseries; the third, how I shall express my gratitude to God for such deliverance.

I feel like I should print this off and tape it to my mirror. There is so much encouragement all contained right there in that short paragraph.

I just thought that since I so often need to be reminded of these truths, maybe you all do too.

Anyone else with any favorite catechism questions or answers?

Offering

2011-08-22T07:49:00.000-04:00

My son taught me a lesson today.

We've recently been trying to keep Judah with us during the first part of the worship service so he can start learning how to sit and listen. I do not think that a 16 month old can reasonably be expected to sit quietly for an entire 30 minute sermon, but I do want him to be able to listen to the singing and enjoy being part of a believing community.

We also have decided to give Judah a dollar to put in the offering plate. (The only reason it's a dollar and not a quarter is because we can't quite trust Judah not to put it in his mouth. And while both a dollar and a quarter in the mouth is gross, I decided that a quarter was grosser.) Today was the first time we remembered to bring a dollar to give him. He took it and was admiring it and then seemed to gladly drop it into the offering plate.

As soon as we passed the offering plate back to our elder, Perry, Judah quickly realized that his dollar was gone for good. He immediately started pointing and grunting (his preferred communication method) in the direction of the offering plate, as if to say, "Hey! That was mine. Bring it back!"

I was quickly reminded of how often I do the same thing. I give something to God (although honestly, he has it all along), promise that I want him to take charge of it, but as soon as I feel it slip out of my hands and go in an unexpected direction, I am left pointing and grunting, suddenly certain that I could have done it better myself.

As Judah fussed, Jeff gently told him that the dollar was his gift to God - an offering. We don't get it back. Instead, God takes that little dollar and grows it and blesses it and uses it to support his work all over the world.

Something I need to remind myself daily - even the small bits of myself that I slowly release as He works his way into the cracks - can become something much bigger and better that I could imagine.

Lessons from the family reunion.

2011-08-19T17:27:00.000-04:00

1. We eat a lot of dessert. Last night at dinner, we cut into a cake that was a perfectly-iced, five-layered thing of beauty. Within 5 minutes, it was nearly demolished, along with cookies, brownies, and cupcakes. Tonight there will be several pies, brownies, and cakes AND no less than 6 flavors of homemade ice cream.

2. The ease with which I cry? Yeah, that's totally genetic. We had sharing time this morning where people were talking about important life events and no kidding, every single person who shared started to cry. (except me!) I had forgotten what an emotional bunch we are. I wonder if anyone has ever researched into what I'll call the "crybaby" gene. They would need to look no further than my family and they'd find it.

3. I read something recently about how Prince William and Princess Kate were at sort of a disadvantage in their marriage since they don't have very many examples in their families of what a long, healthy marriage looks like. I do not have that problem. I am surrounded by numerous aunts, uncles, great-aunts, great-uncles and cousins who have been married for 50+ years. I am blessed.

Everything's better with Nutella.

2011-08-17T08:00:00.002-04:00

As much as I love peanut butter, if I get a choice between that and nutella, I'll pick nutella every day. I mean, nutty goodness PLUS chocolate?? Yes, please.

Anyway... I recently realized that if a dessert calls for peanut butter, substituting nutella pretty much always equals extra deliciousness.

For instance: Especially in the summer, I love to make chocolate no bake oatmeal cookies. When I have nutella around these days, I now use that instead of the peanut butter for a delicious hazelnut flavor.

And what is better than peanut butter pie? Nutella pie, of course. This is a super easy (and not even that bad for you) recipe and again, just use nutella instead of peanut butter.

And if that's not enough nutella ideas for you, don't forget Nutella Ice Cream!

Questions.

2011-08-16T08:00:00.002-04:00

Lately I've been having lots of questioning thoughts about fertility.

I've written before how my struggle with infertility continues even though I now have a baby. In many, many ways things are much easier now. The Lord has already blessed us with our beautiful boy. But Jeff and I both are the second borns in our families, and we both have older brothers who are less than 2 years older than we are. We both grew up one school year behind our brothers, and while being a part of a sibling group so close in age can sometimes lead to bickering, we both love how close we are to them. I used to imagine having a couple of kids who were close in age like that. Now I know, of course, that unless God unexpectedly gives us a child through adoption, Judah will never have that. It grieves me. The grief is not like the grief I felt at not having a baby, but it is still something I feel. I see sweet pictures of toddlers kissing and holding their newborn siblings and want for Judah to have that experience.

I trust God knows what he is doing. There are many things about my life that I might have planned differently (like the whole detour we took through infertility in the first place) but now can see God using for his glory and my good. And as much as I want another baby, I remind myself that even if Judah is the only child we are blessed with, we have been greatly blessed indeed. I know there are many benefits of having a little more time between children. I also grew up with brothers who were 5 and 7 years younger than me. Although they occasionally could be a little loud, they brought more excitement to our family and I also loved being an older sister.

Sometimes, I see my friends who have two or three small children and I wonder if I could manage. I'm fairly certain that trying to take care of a 16 month old Judah and a newborn would be more than I could handle. Even though I think I would have been thrilled to unexpectedly get pregnant while breastfeeding, I am thankful for getting more time with Judah one on one. Days when Judah naps poorly or is extra fussy I often wonder if I even have enough patience for another one. Then I think about our current situation and how hopefully we will be moving soon. Is this even the best time to get pregnant? The idea of trying to move while great with child kind of stresses me out. I suppose most women have similar anxieties when thinking about how to try to time pregnancies and when the best time would be to have another baby.

Being infertile adds a few more stresses to the mix: When should we pursue further treatment with the infertility specialist? Since they never found anything wrong should we keep trying the old-fashioned way? Do I even want to do another IUI? Some days I think maybe I'd rather not - the stress of that month was high. Then when Judah smiles at me or comes over and hugs my legs, I realize that he was worth every minute of it. But should we adopt this time around instead? What is God calling us to?

Some days it feels like my whole life is a big question. And right now I don't feel like I have many answers. While I am not really sure about the future, I need to remind myself that God has me where he wants me right now. I can be certain today where he has called me because that is where I am, even if tomorrow is a big gray fog. And Today, He is calling me to be the best mommy I can be to one sweet, active 16 month old. A good wife to my husband. A good doctor to my patients.

I pray he helps me fulfill those tasks.

Doing a little light reading.

2011-08-12T22:26:00.001-04:00

Well, we get our babies started on the theological reading early around here.

And reformed theology, no less.

Next up? Calvin's Institutes, perhaps?

I got what I wanted.

2011-08-10T20:06:00.000-04:00

I had a really slow call day on Sunday. In fact, I spent most of the afternoon hanging out in the resident lounge, afraid to go home, because sometimes it feels like as soon as I get home, that's when the pager goes off. Anyway... one of the interns was also having a slow call day, and we had a nice time chatting. I feel like I still do not know the interns well at all, and this intern is also my neighbor, so it was a good chance to find out more about him and his wife. Our conversation was fairly wide-ranging and at one point he asked me if Jeff and I had made any big purchases after graduating, like a "now that I'm making the big bucks" kind of purchase of something we had really been wanting for a while.

I thought for a minute.
"No, we didn't make any big purchases."

I continued to think to myself, though, even after he moved on to talking about other things. What I wanted to say and almost said was that what I spent most of residency wanting was a baby.

And praise the Lord, we brought him home last March. No big purchases needed.

My NPR nerd-dom continues.

2011-08-08T20:02:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, Gretchen mentioned in a post that NPR was collecting pictures of babies in the classic blue and pink striped blankets that most hospitals use.

Since I love NPR, I immediately cruised over to the website and uploaded a couple pics of sweet baby Judah wrapped in his.

Apparently, they received over 2,000 photos, but Judah and I made the website!! Check us out - we're the second from the right on the top row.

Edited to add: The photos do not appear in the same arrangement each time. I guess each time you load the page they are in different places, and some different ones appear. But if you don't see me (I'm kissing Judah's head and wearing glasses), reload the page a time or two and hopefully you can find me!

A few things.

2011-08-06T15:31:00.000-04:00

1. Yesterday, I set a new personal record for most discharges in one day with 12. I feel like most of my readers are non-medical, but trust me when I say that 12 is a lot. I got another 6 today. Woohoo.

2. Speaking of discharges, I am much less likely to believe your sob story about how bad you are hurting if I already spotted you laughing and happy and buying your own breakfast in the hospital cafeteria before I made rounds. Even though you might try to lie in bed, looking pitiful, I will discharge you anyway because I know your secret.

3. Judah has suddenly become a sort of bad napper. I am not sure what is going on, but the last couple of weeks we are having a hard time getting him to sleep well. Any advice would be appreciated.

4. It is really, really, really hot and humid in SC right now. Some days I feel like any recollection of why I live here has been permanently burned out of my brain. I am definitely ready for fall...

5. If anyone needs a great and very affordable photographer in the Charleston or Savannah area, please check out Sarah Ayers. She came down to the beach house last week and took lots of fabulous pictures of our family. For a peak at what she took, you can click on the "clients" link in the upper right hand corner, and then click on "Rampey Family." The pictures of Judah are somewhat limited given that he was in pretty much total meltdown by the time we were taking the pictures, but somehow she still managed to snap some fantastic ones. And the really cute blue-eyed kid on her front page? Yeah, that's my nephew Ian.

A Judah update...

2011-08-03T15:03:00.000-04:00

Even though I am a slack mom who hasn't yet scheduled Judah's 15-month well child check (and he's now 16 months old), I thought I'd give a little update about what our little man has been up to.

Just under a month ago (I think - weeks run together) Judah was completely weaned. I was a little sad, but honestly, at that point mostly I just felt ready. He had started drinking milk a little more reliably, and we were down to nursing only once a day. It wasn't even difficult. I just started giving him milk in the morning instead of nursing. He didn't even seem to miss it - only once did it seem like he wanted to nurse after that, and when I told him we were going to drink milk from a cup instead, he seemed completely satisfied. Now maybe Jeff and I can plan a little weekend trip away somewhere without him....

His favorite things right now are cars, trucks, tractors, planes, and anything else with an engine. He loves picking up his toy cars and pushing them around while making car noises. He often points to cars and trucks that drive by and makes his "vroom-vroom" sound. Adorable.

He still isn't saying too much, although he continues to communicate fairly well through a combination of signing, pointing, and grunting. Last week I decided that in addition to "mama," which he says frequently, and "dada," which he says only occasionally, he also now says "doggy," which comes out sounding much more like "diggy" or "gigi." I occasionally get it in my head that because he is talking less than some other kids his age, I should be worried. And sometimes I do. But I have to keep telling myself that he is not anyone else. He is Judah, and he is going at his own pace, and he is doing just fine.

Speaking of dogs, he also loves them. At the beach last week we had all four of our family's dogs with us, and he loved chasing, patting, and hugging them. Animals in general also seem to be a big interest for him. We went to an aquarium one day last week and he was enthralled by the fish, turtles, and birds. Once it cools down a little, I'm excited to try out the zoo.

Even though he doesn't talk a lot, he obviously understands a lot. He can point fairly consistently at 4 or 5 body parts and often can point to specific animals in a book when I ask him to. Every day now, almost as soon as he gets up, he is pointing to our little iPod dock because he wants us to play music for him. So we do. As soon as he hears the melody start, he nods his head along. Cracks me up every time.

I don't know his current weight, but I do know that he is definitely growing. I bought some shoes for him at the beginning of the summer that fit well and even had room to grow, but now his big toe is nearly busting out. Some of the smaller-sized 18 month clothing doesn't fit anymore.

He also loves his Nana. At the beach last week, whenever he would see Nana, he would get a big smile on his face and run to her and grab her legs.

The beach was also a huge hit with Judah. He loved digging in the sand, trying to eat sea shells and wading in the water. Our beach house was on the bay side of Edisto Island, and so the waves were very small, and it stayed fairly shallow for a long way out. It was perfect for our little man. I was surprised by how fearless he was in the ocean; he loved being held by Jeff and me and pushed around in the water. He often pointed like he wanted to get out in the deeper water.

In other news, I think I finally finished making Judah's baby book - a shutterfly photo book that is 83 (!) pages long. There were so many good pictures I had a hard time editing. My favorite page (well, one of my favorite) is the last page where I did a collage of 15 pictures, arranged chronologically, of him over his first year, showing how he grew. (Thanks to Christy for that idea.) I think I'm going to see if I can just print a single page that replicates it and frame it.

Recommendations.

2011-08-02T11:10:00.001-04:00

Although I managed to do very little during my week of vacation, I did several things that I thoroughly enjoyed and thought I should share with you.

1. Even though I spent a year studying at seminary, I only took one elective on church history, and all we studied was the reformation in France and the French Huguenots. While this was a very interesting topic, the last several months I have been thinking about how little I know about church history. I decided I wanted to find something to read to learn more about it. Lucky for me, I am married to a pastor with an extensive library, and found that he actually had a book on his shelf called Church History in Plain Language. It sounded perfect, and certainly seemed preferable to the 8 or 9 volume series that was another option on his shelf. I found the book to be exactly what its title described - a great overview of church history, written in an extremely down-to-earth, and non-technical way. If you find yourself wanting to know more about church history, this would be a great place to start. It was also highly readable, interesting, and seemed to be very fair and balanced in its descriptions of the various characters involved.

2. We also spent several evening playing the most fun game I have played in a while. Ticket to Ride is a great game that is made by the same company that created Settlers of Catan. The object is to earn points by building cross-country train routes. It is simple enough that a fairly young child could enjoy it, but also can involve a lot of strategy which means it doesn't really get old. And the game last only 30-60 minutes, so it doesn't drag on and on. I hear there is a Europe version which is even more fun. I am definitely adding this to my wish list.

Change.

2011-08-01T18:30:00.001-04:00

The last time I was at the beach with my whole family was right after my medical school graduation. I dug around and found a few fun comparison photos.

Andrew, with his firstborn in 2007.

The two of them last week:

And Abram, playing with his only nephew in 2007:

Last week:

Nana, loving on her only grandbaby in 2007:

Reading to the whole crew:

I wonder what it will look like in another 5 years??

Re-entering reality.

2011-07-31T22:37:00.000-04:00

You know it's been a great vacation when you get home and realize you have no idea what's going on in the news, you didn't wear most of the clothes you packed because you spent most of your time dressed in a swim suit and cover-up, and you go to download your photographs and discover you apparently took over 500 photos.

We had such a wonderful time doing a lot of nothing that it is going to be hard this week trying to get anything done. Jeff's big accomplishment of the week was, according to him, improving his chaco tan.

I don't think I have a big accomplishment of the week because I did a lot of nothing. Which was perfect.

It was also nice just spending time with all my siblings and seeing my sweet nephews play with Judah. My brother's family has been living in Iowa for the last five years and finally (finally!!) have moved back to South Carolina. (And live less than an hour away!) We have missed having them close but this vacation was a wonderful chance to catch up and get excited about having them close again.

It was definitely sad that the week ended so quickly, but I am already looking forward to planning another one next year.

Sorry for the lack of posting, but .....

2011-07-26T07:23:00.000-04:00

This is my current view.

The first annual Rampey family vacation.

I hope everyone has a great week!

True Story.

2011-07-21T23:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had the unique experience of actually having to pause the patient history I was dictating because I could not get through it without laughing.

The patient I was admitting? He had swallowed four pencils. Whole. On purpose. And he was not 2, not 4, and not even 11 and doing a stupid dare. He was 22. Now we could actually only see two of them on the ct scan, so the actual number is somewhat debatable. I have a hard time imagining why someone would lie to say that they had swallowed more pencils than they actually had (bragging rights??), but since he came from the local detention center, who really knows.

I asked him why he ate them, and he told me that "someone made him really mad, and he got really upset, and grabbed the pencils, and didn't really think about it."

Okay.

I later discovered that he actually has a history of ingesting things when he gets mad, including a box of gloves, a nail, and a bolt.

Sometimes I have a weird job.

Complications

2011-07-18T23:22:00.000-04:00

I was reminded of a very important fact this week: No medical therapy is without risk.

I did a paracentesis a few days ago, a procedure I have done numerous times with no problems. This is something that is done when a patient has excess fluid floating around in their belly, a problem that most commonly arises when someone has a diseased liver. It is not a complicated procedure. I even had one of our ultrasound technicians come up to the patient's bedside and mark a spot where there seemed to be the most fluid.

When I did the procedure, I put the needle in, and normally, the fluid is a nice, clear yellow. Saturday, though, what I got out looked like, well, let's just say it looked like the kind of fluid you would find inside someone's bowels. Just to recap: putting a needle into someone's belly and getting out nice, clear fluid = good. Getting out something that looks like it came out of their bowels = you probably stuck the needle into their bowel = you perforated the patient's bowel = very bad. Because it wasn't clear to me yet what had happened, I got an xray and ct scan and watched the patient overnight. Then she had a fever. Then she had more pain.

The next morning, I just realized that I had to call a surgeon to tell him what had happened. I was so nervous that he was going to yell at me. But he didn't. He was exceedingly nice and gracious and didn't make me feel bad at all. He could tell I already felt bad, and like many people with whom I've discussed this issue, understands that sometimes these things happen. He took my patient to the OR, and didn't find any evidence of bowel damage (whew.).

Sometimes, it is easy to forget that the things we do can cause problems. Big problems. Even though I don't think I necessarily did anything wrong, there were several things I could have done better. I was in a rush that day, trying to get it done, and then having to rush down before the cafeteria closed to get lunch. Even something as routine as a paracentesis should not be rushed. I ended up leaving the patient in between doing the ultrasound and the paracentesis, so something probably moved into that nice pocket of fluid I had seen earlier. I will never do that again. In fact, I learned that our radiology department actually has a special ultrasound probe specially designed to do procedures, and so I can actually do the whole thing watching with ultrasound guidance. That will be my plan from now on.

I hate that bad outcomes have to happen for me to learn, but hopefully I will remember with everything I do that no treatment is totally benign.